"Do not pass go..do Not collect $200"

So I had to bail Bandit out of "Jail" today. Apparantly he's been getting out of our yard and the people 2 street's over called the pound on him. :( He was so sad when I went to get him today. Made my heart sad. Anyways..so I had to fork up $133 to bail him out...plus $72.00 for a kennel to keep him inside. ugh...money money money. Dog's are expensive!!! but I love him none the less :) And I'm glad I found him there and not dead on the side of the road somewhere.

I have the best boyfriend. ever.

Isn't it funny how you go through life finding out there are going to be people out there that you think you can depend on only to be let down. Well. That's the story of my life. Maybe it's because I wear my heart on my sleeve and let people run me over. Granted. I've become more aware of this in the past year and because of this reason, It's become more and more difficult for me to open up to people. I've learned that you can't always rely on the people you think will always be there for you. However, There are definately people out there that care about me and treat me like family. It's because of these people that I haven't crawled into a hole somewhere and buried myself alive when the storm's were raging.


ps. pray for me.

"There was no denying, I let God down"

There I was ten years old

waitin' in my room for him to come home

and I just knew he'd be so mad

even though I begged my mother not to, she told my dad.

There was no denyin' I let him down

but instead of being angry

he put his arms around me and said

in the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way

whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you'll always be my baby.

There I was twenty-one

oh I was so ashamed of what I'd done

on a country road parked one night

what started out so innocent

crossed the line

there was no denyin' I let God down

but instead of being angry he let his love surround me and I heard

in the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way

whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone

my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you'll always be my baby

yeah yeah.

There he is my little man

I'm sure he'll get in trouble every now and then

and I pray to God that when he does

I'll be just as understanding as my father was

'cause the last thing that I want to do is let him down

so instead of being angry

I'm gonna throw my arms around him and I'll say

in the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days

I'll always feel the same way yeah whatever road you may be on

know your never too far gone my love is there wherever you may be

just remember that you'll always be my baby

be my baby

There are only a few songs out there that really hit me hard...and this is definately one of them. From the whole Dad part to the God part. I tear up everytime I hear this. I recieved a birthday card from my dad today in the mail and it seems that he always knows exactly what to say to make me feel guilty about something that has happened. All his cards say the same. "Sorry for not being a better dad, for not giving you what you may need, for not being rich. Sorry for letting you down, but I'll always love you..." I mean am I being the bitch here? Should I give him a 847th chance or should I just shake my head and walk away. Sometimes I'm so confused about what to do. I feel bad that he blaims her for how mine and his relationship has ended up, but she know's it's not her fault. She understands. I just wish I could show him how harsh he is sometimes. Even though it's a losing battle. The threats are more than I can take at times. And I take my anger out on those around me...when really it's killing me more than I can say. I listen to sappy music over and over until it's replaying itself in my dreams.

He get's angry that I push him away. She get's angry that I won't open up. And my blood...geez that's a whole different story. I can't even look at him these days. The drugs have taken over. Not drugs. But his "Friends". I'm so confused. I just want to walk away from it all. I want to wake up one day and find myself walking aimlessly down the highway...with luggage in one hand and a thumb raised on the other. But who doesn't? I mean do we all live this fairytale life. We all act like we are perfectly ok...but are we ever really? Or are we just acting. I mean...we all have these parts of our life that we want to lock away and forget existed, but we never really can. It's like a disease. a blood stricken disease that has haunted me my whole life.

"When the lights are down low, and You nibble on my neck..."

Well...If you've read Carrie's blog, then you pretty much have our whole trip outlined already. So..I really have nothing much else to write about. So I'll just post some pictures for your pleasure:



Tim never last's long in the car. He always fall's asleep..but I guess that's one thing we have in common. I can fall asleep on the way home from Mobile.

Who knew sneeking past a "no crossing" sign could be so funny...

These following pictures are from Wannab's...take them as you like. :)

This is Tim acknowledging that he's past drunk. Ha!

Not even Carrie can pull off the "drunken Eye" haha!

(case and point...)

Oh and I fixed this one...it's right now!!! hahaha!!