iPhone dump

Just posting pictures from the phone. Our summer has been spent in the pool a lot an at the river...

Walker

We officially have a walker...and I'm not sure how excited I am about this. I love that Kinzleigh is walking, but I'm terrified about what's to come.

And I am so addicted to instagram it's ridiculous. It figures, I get off Facebook and find something else to be addicted to. Haha!!

Momma to a baby girl

I have always wanted a boy, but when I was laying on the ultrasound table and I heard the words "looks like a baby girl" I was overjoyed. My husband was crying, I was crying, and our ultrasound tech was crying. We felt so incredibly blessed and were so excited that our life was changing. God always has the best plans. Our Kinzleigh Grace was born 3 weeks early, 6 lbs 7 oz, healthy and beautiful with a head full of black hair. As I sit here typing this, she is now an energetic 18 lb 1 year old with huge blue eyes that you can get lost in and a head full of blond curls. She is my world. My husband and I are so ready for another baby and pray that God blesses us with another baby. But deep down I pray that we have all girls. I love big bows, tutu dresses, and playing with baby dolls. I look forward to sleep overs with friends and getting all dolled up for dances. She makes me the happiest momma on the block. Thanks for stopping by an I look forward to meeting other mommas!!!

Do things that scare you...

This is what I read from a friends blog today. So I did just that...I met a friend for dinner that had hurt me very badly. One that I loved and cared about very deeply. The meeting was scary. I wasn't sure how it would go. It was intimidating putting all of my feelings out on the line to be trampled. And trampled they were. I went over the meeting several times through my head today and it did not go anywhere near where I wanted /expected it to go. But I can say one thing for certain. God showed me tonight the type of person that I never want to be.

Rest

Isn't it funny how we all live in super high speed. Always competing with one another to build something bigger and better, to be a better friend, or parent than someone else. To throw the bigger birthday with better homemade qualities. To be the best friend an always outdoing the friend that you are friends with. I'm sorry...but I am at a point of rest. I refuse to compete and this stupid race anymore. I am finished. I have learned that missing an event, to spend quality time playing with my daughter is more important. Even if that quality time involves us rocking in her room while she flips through the pages of a book over and over. I have learned that sitting on the couch with my husband reading 2 separate books and laughing at our dogs is more important than planning the worlds largest first birthday. I have learned that getting a text from a friend just asking how my day was is way more important than spending the whole day together. It's things like these that have made me who I am. I am a mother, friend, daughter, wife, sister, and child of God. I am not perfect, nor do I want to be considered perfect. I mess up...a lot. But I know at the end of everyday, decisions that I make will be the ones that matter 100 years from now, and things I miss, will probably be forgotten about tomorrow. :) here I to rest! Take the time to rest! It's really with it, I promise!

Lent and Baptist

Ok so I'm not Methodist (anymore) but I still feel the desire to fast during lent...do I am taking a 40 day break from Facebook! What?? I know I can do it, even though it's a bad addiction. So if I do not answer you for oh 40 days..that is why. Text me, or call me, or write me a real letter. I'm excited to do this. Especially since someone's going to have a HUGE birthday very soon. I want to spend as much time with Kinzleigh as possible and often times I am very distracted by the computer or my phone trying to catch up with the world. So now, when I feel the urge to get on fb, I will spend some more time with K or pull out my bible and spend some 1 on 1 time with Jesus.

working momma

Linking up to Kellys Korner today for working mommas.

I work full time outside of the home. I also have an (almost) 11 month old baby girl. I work for a large credit union and am very blessed that I have "banker hours". I work 7:00 - 4:00 Mon- Fri, and never have to work nights or weekends. Also, our company has EXCELLENT benefits AND my husband works there too! (double bonus) But the best thing about my job is that I am 3 minutes away from Kinzleigh during the day. She stays with my MIL who lives right down the road so I see Kinzleigh everyday at lunch. I am very spoiled!

When we found out we were expecting, it was never a thought that I would stay home. Our family works better with both incomes. We enjoy the fun things (traveling, shopping, eating out, etc.) that some families have to sacrifice when there is only 1 income. Plus...I just enjoy working. I love my co-workers, and some have become my best friends. I work with a lot of women who have older children so I can always go to them when I have questions, or when I just want to vent, and they are OK with that. If I were to stay home everyday, I wouldn't get that interaction and I would probably get bored; to be honest. I am a GO person. I am always moving. I am not one to sit around the house and watch TV. The first few months when I was home with Kinzleigh (6 weeks actually), I LOVED it. I could definitely see myself staying home with her everyday. But, since I've been back at work, I know now that I would have gone stir crazy. Good thing my God knows what's best for me and my family!

New Momma thoughts

Different!! I have been thinking about this for a few months.
We have different personality types- so way we all view marriage, parenting, friendships, motherhood, etc will e different. God made us that way!

I truly feel that it is ok to not feel the same as someone else (even if its your best friend), you should embrace each others differences and love that woman even more! As moms- we should lift each other up and tell each other what an awesome job they are doing as a mom! Who cares if one breast feeds and the other doesn't? If one works and the other doesn't? We are all moms!!! We were all given the opportunity to make a difference in a child's life. Let's make the best of it!

In the months leading up to having Kinzleigh, I was so nervous. I was scared that things would change. (I am NOT good with change). I was terrified that I would be a horrible mother. How would I know if she was cold, hot, hungry, sick, etc? Would I know how to comfort her? Would I know how to love her? Now, don’t get me wrong, I never thought twice about having a baby. It was something I have always wanted. I knew I was meant to be a mother, but the fear was still there.

I remember everything moving so fast the day she was born – I was induced at 12:00 and by 8:15 I was pushing. Then she was out in 8 minutes. At that moment, everything in the room stopped. All that mattered was that my baby was here. She. Was. Perfect. She cried for a few seconds, and then suddenly looked up at me and stopped. My mind was blank. At that moment, I couldn’t remember half the things I wanted to say or do. When you are pregnant for 10 months, you always think about pictures you want to take, things you want to say, remember to count the fingers and toes, make sure to take a picture of her on the scale, etc. But at that moment, I couldn’t remember any of those things. In those first few days, all I wanted was to be with Kinzleigh. I wanted to learn all about her. I wanted to memorize every finger, every toe, every mark on her perfect little body. I wanted to cuddle with her and memorize the way she smelled and how dark her hair was. There was nothing more satisfying to me than being with her.

I was lucky to never experience the “baby blues”. I never felt guilty for spending so much time with Kinzleigh. I never ever felt bad for turning down girls nights. I never (and still to this day) felt like I needed a break from her. I enjoy her. I love watching her learn, and grow, and master new skills

I will never forget the day I decided to take a day off from work so I could spend the whole day with her. 4 months old. She was a little stuffy that day, not feeling like her normal self - and I will admit- I just wanted to be with her. I will never forget that THAT was the day she rolled over – all by herself! I made her do it over and over so she would master it. It hit me at that moment. I am sure there are going to be a lot of “firsts” that I miss being a full time working momma – but I refuse to feel guilty for it. I work so that my little girl will not do without. I work so that our family will not live paycheck to paycheck. I work because - well – because I want to work! There is nothing wrong with being a full time working momma. There is nothing wrong with my child spending 7-8 hours a day with someone other than her momma and daddy. I am very blessed to have a mother in law who watches Kinzleigh – but even if I did not have her to watch Kinzleigh, than Kinzleigh would still be ok going to daycare. I am not saying it was an easy decision to make – it breaks my heart not being with her during the day, but I know she will be ok. I know that it will not hurt her to be away from me or Tim for a few hours.

I may step on some toes here, which is not my intention, but we are all different! All of us will have different views on what is best for our children, our families, and our friendships. Just because 1 mother does not want her child in daycare so she quits working and decides to be a stay at home mom, and the other mom says it’s ok for her child to be in daycare while she works does not make either mom right or wrong. Will the children turn out to be different as adults because of it? Maybe. But that’s ok! My mom has worked everyday since I was born. She did not have any intention on being a stay home mom because she knew that it was not feasible for our family. I went to daycare everyday and was there from 7:30 – 5:00. My mom said I would watch her from the front window and cry when she dropped me off, and it broke her heart, but she had to do it in order for our family to survive. Because I went to daycare – I was potty trained at 18 months, I could write my name and talk full sentences by age 2, I learned to read at 4, and I was ahead of more than half the children in my Kindergarten class.

NOW- I am not saying that all kids who are in daycare are this advanced, nor am I saying that kids who stay home are not advanced. This is just my story. Tim and I have made the decision that once Kinzleigh is 2 years old, she will be put into a daycare as well. Even though my MIL has said she will watch her until she starts school, I believe it would be beneficial for Kinzleigh to be in a daycare or preschool setting prior to starting school.

I am tired. I am tired, and frustrated, and mad, and sad, and confused. I have been struggling with emotions the past few months that are not normal. My heart has been so heavy. I have been hurt by someone I love and care about due to being a mother and making the decision when she was born to put her first in everything I do.

I have tried to explain how I feel – I have tried to mend this heartbreak – I have tried to understand. But I am tired. I am so tired of always feeling like decisions I make will be criticized – or things I say will be mocked. I am tired of feeling that I am not a good mom because of things I do or say. But most of all – I am so sick and tired of people thinking they are above me because I am a mom. I will not let anyone else belittle me or make me feel worthless because I am a mom.

I am a mom! Nothing I do or say will ever change that. I am proud to be a mom. I would never want to change that.

Ok...enough serious stuff...how about some funny pictures of miss Priss pot?

getting on the right track

I have been ready to back on track with working out for quite some time but couldn't find the time/motivation and a part of me was always feeling selfish for wanting to work out instead of spending time with Kinzleigh. Well, I've realized it's time to get over all those feelings and find the time. So this week...I will do it! I am going to start training for my first 5K (running the whole way) and then eventually working up to a marathon! I am so excited to do this! I have plenty of friends that run so finding a running partner should not be hard. I need to do this for myself, for Tim, and for Kinzleigh. They deserve to have a wife and mother who is in shape and who cares about how she looks. I will be that wife and mother. Starting right now! There will be no holding back. I refuse to give up. I will run a marathon before the end of 2012. YAY!

( btw: I am already down 10 lbs and 1 pants size woohoo!!!)

And just because I want to remember why I am doing this...I want to be able to look back and see where I started.

being honest

Tonight is a night for honesty.

As I am sitting here watching Kinzleigh  crawl around get into everything that is in her reach, I am reminded how very blessed I am to have such an amazing life. I mean... I have a husband who would bend over backwards to make life for Kinzleigh and I perfect. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach. I have a perfect little girl who was sent straight from God. I have wonderful pups who are so well behaved and love Kinzleigh with everything they have. I am blessed. Blessed beyond belief. Yet I still worry. I still feel sad sometimes. I still feel like I am not doing enough.

I struggle with left over baby weight.
I struggle with friendships that aren't perfect.
I struggle with insecurites.
I struggle with being a full time working mom and not being here with K all day.
I struggle knowing that I may never be a Perfect mom.
I struggle knowing that I may never be a Perfect wife.

But you know what? I think that's normal. I don't think there is anything wrong with worrying. I have grown into a woman who has learned it is best to leave the worrying to God. I know he will rescue me. I know he will carry me through things that I can not get through on my own. Man...I can't imagine not having my God.
A few years back, before I met Tim, I was lost. I truly believe had I not met him, if God had a different path for my life, I would be a completely different person today. I would be mean, and wild, and have no care for my future. When Tim and I met, he brought me back to church. I saw the kind of man he was (one that feared the Lord, a man that would be the Spiritual Leader in his house, a man that knew God brought us together) and I wanted to be where he was. I wanted to know the Lord more. I wanted to worship and really feel something.
 Here is where I am today. I am a member of a wonderful church. I am a part of the choir. I have made more friends in this church than in any church I have been to - friends I know I can call upon and I trust with my whole heart. 
 I now know that there is nothing in the world that is more important than my family. My husband and my daughter. Without my husband and my daughter..I would not be the person I am today. Before, I did not care about other people. I did not care about friends or family. The only person I cared about was myself. I cared about going out, getting drunk every night, meeting boys, and bringing them home. I was LOST. I did not care who I hurt or who hurt me.
Today...I am a completely different person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If someone I care about hurts me, physically or emotionally, it bothers me to my core. When I worship;  whether in my home, car, or church I feel the grace and mercy of God. I actually feel Him with me. When we got married, I knew my life would change. I knew I would become someone completely different and I was more than ready for what God had in store for us. We quit drinking. We quit going out. We quit being friends with those that only cared about getting drunk with us. God had so much more in store for us.
When I got pregnant, I learned more about love. I learned that you give up everything for your child. You become a different person. I remember sitting in the hospital room, moments after giving birth and being so shocked that I was a mom. I couldn't believe that God trusted me to raise a child in this world. How on earth was I supposed to do that? I remember having tons of visitors (I can't tell you who visited because I was doped up) but I do remember having people visit. I also remember kicking people out when it was time to nurse...oh nursing...it was so hard. Kinzleigh couldn't catch on. I couldn't catch on. We were a hot mess. It took us 6 weeks of fighting each other (K and I) before I finally bit the bullet and switched to formula. Oh how much fun that was when people found out you were not breastfeeding. Ha! Or when people found out that you hadn't had a date night with just your husband and your baby was already 2 months old. It's always funny to me how people are so quick to give advice. Even when it's not requested. I especially love I tell people that at 10 months old, Kinzleigh sleeps in the bed with us. haha. I just love seeing peoples expressions..it's always fun.
Here is what I have learned as a mom to a 10 month old.
*people will always give advice, yes, even strangers.
--no it does not matter if you do not want to put socks on your child. Just because the little old lady in the grocery store told you that your poor baby has freezing feet...you do not have to whip out socks.
*you will not always get to do what you want to do -- get over it
-- and I'm not talking about going out to a concert that starts at 10:00 pm, I'm talking about breastfeeding -if you can't or don't want to, it's not the end all be all.
*people will dissapoint you--again get over it.

****will finish tomorrow************

Weekends

I live for the weekends and so does this pretty girl. I love that I can spend all day just lounging around and sleeping or watching tv, or just watching Kinzleigh enjoy the world around her.

I am in full party planning mode and finally picked the the for K's party. We will be doing a "girlie zoo". Here is what 1 of her outfits will look like.

New Year...New Days....New Ways...

Here are my "Resolutions" for 2012.

1) Read more..starting tonight with my Bible!
2) SIGHTSEE...(it is now 1/6/11...and our family of 5...dogs included...have been camping to 2 different campsites already!)
3) Live like no one else so that later we can LIVE like no one else. (cash only please)
4) Stop letting others tell me how to live. (or should I say...stop caring so much about what others think and live how I want to live)
5) Lose the baby weight ( I mean Seriously lose it)
6) LET GO!! I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care about everyone, and I mean, Everyone. I want everyone to be happy and sometimes forget about myself. This is it! I am tired. I am exhausted. And I am ready to be happy. So I am going to learn this year how to just BE.

I realize this list is getting long....

7) Eat better...(ok maybe not perfect...I may still have the occasional processed food...GASP - but I will make an effort to eat better.)

8) Spend more time playing with her...

and less time playing on the computer/phone.

(starting tonight...all notifications on my phone have been turned off and I will no longer feel the need to rush to it when I hear a text message)

With that said....I'm out! (I have a little one trying to eat dog food)