20 WEEKS

PREGNANCY HIGHLIGHTS:

How Far Along: 20 Weeks


Size of baby:  around 10 ounces

Maternity Clothes: i am still able to wear a lot of my pants and jeans because I'm carrying so high. I am slowly switching to more maternity shirts.

Gender: Girl!!! Kinzleigh Grace Hadden

Movement: oh yes! She is our future gymnast!

Sleep: I am bouts of insomnia, where I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get comfortable...then there are nights I sleep like a rock!

What I miss: eating sushi, sleeping on my stomach, not having a backache every 10 minutes...

Cravings: mostly fruit

Symptons: still aversion to meat...and NAUSEA! I have morning sickness like nobody's business..and am constantly gagging at inappropriate times.

Best Moment this week:  Feeling our little girl wiggle around like a jumping bean and shopping for our little princess

I am 10 weeks!!

I'm 10 weeks!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 10 Weeks

Size of baby: Baby H is the size 1 inch, about the size of a kumquat.

Maternity Clothes: I am starting to wear Maternity shirts, because they are loose and I'm a little self conscious about my pooch...but other than that, my normal clothes still fit.

Gender: Will find out in 8 weeks!

Movement: none yet, except for the occasional butterfly feeling

Sleep: ha! I sleep like a ROCK! and ALL the time!

What I miss: Nothing yet

Cravings: Tomatoes and Banana Peppers

Symptons: The only REAL symptoms I've had is Exhaustion and anversion to meat...I can't even think about it without cringing.

Best Moment this week: getting to see my little kumquat dancing this morning!

the cup has tipped..

God is so Good!!!

Welcome Baby Hadden!

It all started a couple months ago when Tim and I found out that we would be helping to lead a small group at Worship on Tuesdays. Well that was a wonderful opportunity and we are so thankful. It has been a blessing to be able to share the word of God with other couples.
A week later, I got an interview for a new job that opened up. (If you know me, than you know that I hated my job in the contact center answering phones and getting yelled at everyday) 1 week later, I heard news that I got the job! So I was scheduled to start on July 19. Which in my eyes was light years away.
We went through 2 weeks of training and the second week of training, I found out that I was pregnant.

Here is how it happened.
On Tuesday (the week before) I went to the gym like normal to run on the treadmill. About 7 min in, I started getting real dizzy and ended up quiting before I reached my mile. But I didn't think much of it, I thought maybe I didn't eat enough that day. So Thursday, a friend at work invited me to go to a step class with her after work in our gym. I went, and again 10 min in, and I had to leave because I got so dizzy I couldn't see straight. I came home and went straight to bed.
Well the next week (the week I should've started) Tim talked me into taking a test. I took one on Wednesday, rushed through it and jumped in the shower. While in the shower, I talked to God. I told him that no matter what happens with the test, I will be thankful. I promised that I would not cry or be sad and that it was all in His hands. I get out of the shower, glance at the test, and see something that may look like a double line. So I call Tim, he decides to bring home the digital test that night so that we can know for sure.

Sure enough....Digital test say's PREGNANT!!! 

I am beyond excited and can not wait to see Tim holding that baby for the first time.

Thank you all for the prayers!!! This would NOT have happened had it not been for God's will.

love you all
Brandi

He Reigns Forevermore....

I don't really have much to update. I haven't been back to the doctor yet, so I don't really have any news.

Tim and I started a life group at church. It's basically a small group with other young married couples who are in their first couple years of marriage. I. LOVE. IT. These people, I just know, will become life long friends. There are about 30 people that pile into the house each week and we eat, talk, and learn about our marriage. It's nice to actually be around people who know what your going through and to know that there are couples out there that you can relate to. We actually ran into an old friend that I went to middle/high school with - Bonnie Vail  Ryland. She's still as crazy and funny as she was back then. Oh man does hanging out with her bring back memories. A lot of memories that I care not to remember. And then some that are funny to look back on.

Sometimes I feel like Tim and I are in our world. We do enjoy being with the friends we have now...but most of the time we just enjoy being together. We don't go out... (partially because of money or lack thereof) We have both quit drinking (well I have, Tim still does on occasion) We don't like the bar, wild night, drinking, loud music scene that we both used to crave. I guess we are just at the settling down age...and with that comes finding new things (and sometimes new friends) that share the same interests.

I still feel so blessed that God put us at Marcus Pointe. He knew that we were Hungry and he has once again filled our hole. I seriously have never felt as much at Peace as I have recently. All I find that I want to do with my time is worship and praise Him. It's a good feeling. I love being a part of the Choir- and have met some great people. I love that everyone there is so friendly and full of Christ. It's something I've never experienced at other churches. I always knew God filled the church, but never actually felt Him the way I do now. It's an absolutely amazing feeling and something I plan on keeping forever!

woah!!

At least I was pre-warned that today would be a lot different the yesterday. Man were these girls right. I woke up and could barely move my arms. They are both (including my back and neck) so sore. My stomach feels like I had someone digging around in it. (haha) And my fingers are all so swollen they hurt to move them. Thank goodness we are off work still! Today will definitely be a day of rest. Since I am sitting here, I can at least post some pictures from our camping trip last weekend. We went to 4 paws campground in NC. If you haven't heard about it, you should def check it out. It's a campground built for dogs and their parents. They are not very child friendly which is fine for us now. Only b/c the majority of stuff they offer is built for dogs, not kids. here is their website if you are interested...www.4pawskingdom.com

this is my babies...including my husband! :o) We were trying for a family picture but of course right when I ran over, they jumped up thinking I was coming to play.

This was on the ride up...so sleepy.

this was our cabin...so cute.

This was the babies swimming...what they do best.

And this is Paisley! Beautiful girl!

after surgery....

So my surgery was today. They found endometriosis, and were able to remove it all. He did say that it will more than likely come back but at least for now it's gone. He also discovered that both my tubes were collapsed pretty severe, but thankfully he was able to open them back up. We're not sure what caused that or if it was from the miscarriage I had but we'll ask him that question when we go back in 2 weeks. Right now I'm feeling pretty good. Just a little drowsy. And my throat is KILLING me from the breathing tube they had to put in. It feels like someone took a knife and just scraped it down my throat. But they said it was normal so hopefully it will go away.  I'm also now starting to feel the holes in my stomach so I just took some pain med. (which I hate b/c I hate feeling drugged up...but I don't want the pain to get too severe)

The whole procedure went by so fast. I remember laying on the table, watching her put the meds in my IV. Then the student doctor came in that is working with Dr Antonetti, to make sure I was comfortable. I remember my eyes getting heavy and trying so hard to keep them open, then I remember talking to God...that's about it. Next thing I know I hear my name being called and being rolled into the post op room. I started coughing real bad, and I heard someone say, "uh oh do we have a smoker" and I wanted to so bad to say "No way! I haven't smoked in a year!" but couldn't talk. Then I heard someone else say, "no she had complications from her breathing tube" So at least someone stood up for me! I am so glad I don't smoke anymore...Praise God. Tim even said it seemed like he just opened his book to read when the doc was coming back out to tell him everything. The good news is that he said our most fertile time will be in the next 3-5 months and we should be pregnant by then!! wohoo!!! Tim said he sounded very positive about this so keep your prayers coming! Anyways....thanks for all the prayers..God is definitely our comfortor and saving grace and he rained down on me today in that operating room. I'm so glad that something was found and was fixable. Not that I wanted to have endo. but thankful that we now have an answer to all our questions!

I also am so blessed that we have such great friends...so many people called to check on me and Sarah brought us dinner tonight from Panera! Yummy!! So thank you all for the prayers and love! We love you too!

We are not ashamed...

Wow...I can't believe it's been 2 months almost since I've last blogged. I must get caught up. Let's see...

Tim and I decided a couple months ago to start church shopping..we just weren't getting the same feelings about our old church that we felt when we first started going there. So we got together with another couple and went to Marcus Pointe. Let me tell you...we FELL IN LOVE! The first day there we absolutely felt our hearts warming up to the church, preacher, worship music, etc. We decided 2 weeks later to join and haven't missed a Sunday since. I also got baptized by immersion 1 week after we joined. I have felt about 10x closer to Jesus than I have ever felt. It just seems like everything Pastor Godfrey says is directed right towards me and I actually FEEL God in that place. It's an amazing feeling when you finally reach a peace in your life and start to live your life For God. All I want to do now is worship Him and read my Bible. Our radio stays on worship music and Tim and I have even become closer in our marriage in the past 2 months. Crazy how a simple change in a church can change everything about how you view life.

This includes closing some untied ends. This is something I haven't really told anyone...The year I met Tim I was living with a friend. I shouldn't have moved out of my mom's house because I know I couldn't afford it but thats neither here nor there. I was at a point in my life (a few months before I met Tim) where I just wanted to do everything I could do to despise my mom, my dad, my family, my friends, and Jesus. I was living a sinful life. I was a liar. I was an alcoholic. I was living in a WORLD of sin. Including lying to my roommate.
 Well in a sermon I heard in church a couple weeks ago, the preacher was talking about relationships and how instead of running you just need to fix the one you got. Yes he was talking about marriage but I have had so many bad relationships that my mind was just running through everything I've been through the past 5 years...and this old roommate ran across my mind. I realized that I was wrong. And I also realized that I never even apologized to her for the stupid thing that I did. Sooo...I took a deep breath and sent her an email. Basically just apologizing for my stupid childish ways. It was a hard thing for me to do...admit I was wrong, but it was something God had been laying on my soul and I knew it was something I needed to do. I can't sit here and say that I am perfect because I know I'm no where near it. I know that I am not worthy of the Love and Grace that He provides for me every day. I also know that I can not say that I am a Christian when I have done such horrible things. So it was said. I didn't know if she would forgive me. I didn't know if she would tell the world about how absolutely horrible I had been. It was a scary thing. I think I was more afraid of what other people would think than what she actually thought. And that is probably the main reason why I hadn't apologized before now. We have the same friends, people talk, and when something big happens in friendship everyone takes sides, will gossip, and stab you in the back in a heartbeat. It's a scary world. But with that being said...she did respond to my email with a "thank you". At least I know that I took that step and apologized. I am a  Born again Christian! I can take things I've done in the past no matter how horrible and know that if no one else forgives me...My God does.

man...that was a lot. :o)

Other than that...the baby making is kind of put on hold right now. I had a meeting with my doc last week and he said that I need to have a laproscopic surgery done to make sure that I do not have endometriosis or that my tubes are not blocked. Emily had this done a couple months ago and she informed me it was  a breeze so I'll take her word for it. My surgery is set for next Friday. So say a prayer that everything goes well. It's nerveracking to be put to sleep. But Jesus is my comforter and he will get me through it. It's a small incision in your bellybutton and he will blow up my stomach with gas...then look around with a video camera and take pictures of anything he finds.

Lets see...oh..Tim and I are leaving for NC on Sat. Just a small vacation. We're taking the dogs with us to Rutherfordton NC to a campground that is designed for adults and their dogs. I'm so excited! You can see it for yourself here....www.4pawscampground.com

anyways.that's about it for now. ;o)

healthy start

so Tim and I started a "all natural kick"
Which means that we no longer eat processed foods, drink sweet tea (or any drink with sugar for that matter), and we have officially cut out anything that's labeled "bad for you" haha :o)

We also have been hitting the gym pretty consistently for the past 2 1/2 weeks now. I go 6 days a week and Tim goes about 4-6 depending on his schedule. It has been a very hard but very satisfying change.

Here is how this came about...
Tim and I decided to visit the Vitamin Shoppe because I was getting low on prenatal vitamins (which I've been on for about 7 months now...obviously they don't help to get you pregnant...haha) and while we were there we started talking to the guy who works there and he was telling us about his and his wife's journey about trying to get pregnant. Apparantly they had tried for 2.5 years and he started doing some research about vitamins and all natural things to do that would help with infertility. He found that Iron/Copper supplements have a high rate of helping in that area. He said after he started taking them, his wife was pregnant 1 month later. Sounds too good to be true...so we decided to do our own research and we found that yes, if you google Iron/Copper supplements, there are a lot of websites that talk about infertility. So we decided what the heck? Also we found out that day that the prenatal vitamins I was own were not only insufficient but that they lacked all the nutrients that I really needed. So we bought a higher quality one that I also use as my multi-vitamin. Sooo glad we went there that day. Anyways, after doing so much research we learned that a LOT of the stuff we were eating were not benefiting us in a way that could promote to a healthy pregnancy. SO we threw out all our chips, cookies, tea bags, and frozen pizzas...and went to the grocery store. We stocked up on tons of fruits, veggies, and chicken, chicken, chicken...we now drink green tea, use Truvia (which is amazing and all natural) and splenda as sugar.

Believe me when I say this....You are what you Eat!! We've only been doing this for 2 weeks and already I feel so much better. I can honestly say it is a Lifestyle Change.

Hopefully (if I'm not pregnant by the summer) I'll look amazing in a bikini!

(as far as getting pregnant...we've definitly stopped taking ovulating tests and tracking each and every month. if its meant to be it will be...otherwise we'll adopt. we know God has a plan...we just have to be the healthiest we can be in the process)

new start

So I started getting some really strange emails...and decided it's time to keep my blog private.

Where to start:
I found out on Thurs that the girl I work with ended up having a tubal pregnancy so she lost the baby.

No signs of pregnancy for Tim and I yet. But you will definately hear about it when it happens. :o)

I don't really have much updates. Tim and I went bowling last night, and had so much fun! Even though I had to work today, this weekend has been pretty good so far.

catching up...

Tonight was fun! We were going to go to the Ice Flyers game with The Pitts, but opted out when we went to the dog park and my toes about froze off. We then made the decision to stay home next to the fire. (Our favorite Place) Well, I'm glad we did. I got a call from my friend Sarah and her and her husband wanted to come over and hang out with us. So they did and it was so fun! We just ate pizza, played some wii, and drank some coffee. I just love them! They have a 4 year old and she is just so cute. Hopefully we'll hang out more often and soon!

We will start our next cycle of Clomid on Wednesday. We're very optimistic about this month. But then again, you have to be when you are trying. If there is one thing that I've learned it's that you can not stress. So I refuse to stress!

Update on my friend Amanda...she did have to blood tests that confirmed she was pregnant, but keep her in your prayers. She started bleeding on Friday and really is worried that she may be in the early stages of a miscarriage. She has an ultrasound on Monday so hopefully everything will be ok.

Other than that...not much going on. Just trying to stay warm.

brrr..it is COLD outside.

so today was a good day. My friend Amanda (the one who I work with that's been trying for 1 year to get pregnant) found out today that she is indeed pregnant! Woohoo!!! I'm so excited for her. I know what it feels like to want something so bad. She also had a miscarriage while on clomid so she knows the feeling of heartbreak. So that's 1 friend down, 2 to go (and me of course.) We're all praying for each other though so I'm sure we'll get our gifts soon.

Other than that, I really have no new news. I went to Biloxi with my mom yesterday for her birthday and we didn't win a stinkin thing. Well, we did, but ended up putting it back in the machine. Stupid Poppitt penny machine! ;)

Tomorrow's Thursday! 2 more days of work then another weekend off! yay!

1 Decade...

So apparantly everyone's been talking about what they've accomplished this decade, Here's my list:

A: Graduated High School- go Aggies c/o 2001!
B: Attempted College - who knows...maybe one day I'll finish.
C: dated a bunch of loser boyfriends and kissed a lot of frogs-I knew God would let the right man cut into our dance soon and boy was I right
D: realized that sometimes you just have to be true to yourself and that those who don't like it will fall out of the picture.-and to move on when that happens.
E: met Tim-(who knew he'd be a boy from my past that I secretly crushed on since middle school)
F: Listened to Tim tell me he loved me (first)- and actually said it back.
G: Got Engaged
H: Planned (and payed for) a Wedding
I: Bought a house!
J: Got Married! -best day ever!
K: bought 2 babies (simon and paisley are my hearts)
L: Had the Best First Year of marriage!
M: Experienced heartbreak like no other when we miscarried with our first pregnancy
N: and now....hopefully God will grant us the ultimate blessing in the year to come!

Now for my list of things that have happened just this year! :)

January- We had just gotten married so our babies were 5 months old. All our friends went to Senior Bowl, but we couldn't imagine leaving our babies at home so we decided to stay home. My first year missing in 9 years. It was worth it though. I love being with Tim and the pups! I also started my job at Navy Federal in October (Tim started there in Dec) so we were both getting settled there too.

Febrary-Our first Valentines Day as a Married Couple. Its funny- I can't even remember what we did. I think Tim cooked us steaks on the grill. o'well.

March-this was a rough month. I began to HATE my job...and I mean HATE. I started getting anxiety attacks, was diagnosed again with High Blood Pressure. Spent 1 night in the ER with fast heart rate, shaking, and anxiety. And even thought about quitting my job, going back to school, and working part time. We realized REAL Quick that this was not going to happen

April-My friend Tori started working at NFCU, and we ended up getting on the same team and sat side by side, so my days at work started to slowly get a little better.

May-Tim started to paint the house. (which took 6 months) I got an earlier shift at work! We celebrated our first wedding together as a married couple when our friends Tori and Craig got married.

June-umm...well....not much happened this month, because I can't think of anything fun to write. Oh---my best friend started dating..but I'm not sure which month this happened. I just know it was during the summer.

July- we decided it was time to add a little one in the mix. We began trying for babies this month. I also quit smoking & Drinking this month. I didn't think I would ever live without nicoteine but it has been the BEST thing I've done for my body. It's hard sometimes when we're out with a big crowd and everyone is drinking and smoking but I've yet to give in. -this is why we RARELY go out.

August-nothing major

September-decided it was time to visit the doctor and just make sure everything was working properly. We had some tests ran and found out that I don't ovulate naturally so the doctor started us on clomid. We decided to wait until after our honeymoon to start on it. (which was on the 6th.) We (including to labradors) went to Tampa for Seaworld and Busch Gardens. SO much fun! The dog's even had fun!

October-Officially our first month of clomid-I did ovulate so this meant the clomid worked, but no signs of a baby yet. My brother turned 21!

November-We watched 2 girls deliver beautiful baby boys. Finally some babies sorda in the family. ;) Tim finished painting the house!

December-wow- december! I got pregnant, but Jesus decided he wanted the baby more in heaven with him. Luckily I wasn't far enough along to experience getting too attached, but it was still painful. I even experienced the painful bleeding part of it. BUT, it's really ok. I survived! My grandmother announced that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and that she refused chemotherapy. So in the middle of my miscarriage, my grandmother also suffered with pain from cancer. It was definitly a hard month.

One that we learned alot from. I learned that family is number one. I Finally learned to forgive my father and spent a lot of time with him. I learned that we want a baby more than anything but that GOD is in control and will decide when we are ready. I learned to let God lead and now we are dancing much smoother. I am so much more in love with my husband than I was this time last year and can now see that love is greater than all! I love him more than life itself.

I am so excited about this year! I have some of the best friends and support system for this wonderful journey. I never thought God would let me experience this sometimes stressful journey with someone going through the same thing, but he does provide. Not only do I have 1 but I have 3! And while I am praying and wishing the best for these girls, I know that they are doing the same for me! It's a wonderful feeling to know I'm not alone. \m