Thursday, February 23, 2012
Lent and Baptist
Ok so I'm not Methodist (anymore) but I still feel the desire to fast during lent...do I am taking a 40 day break from Facebook! What?? I know I can do it, even though it's a bad addiction. So if I do not answer you for oh 40 days..that is why. Text me, or call me, or write me a real letter. I'm excited to do this. Especially since someone's going to have a HUGE birthday very soon. I want to spend as much time with Kinzleigh as possible and often times I am very distracted by the computer or my phone trying to catch up with the world. So now, when I feel the urge to get on fb, I will spend some more time with K or pull out my bible and spend some 1 on 1 time with Jesus.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
working momma
Linking up to Kellys Korner today for working mommas.
I work full time outside of the home. I also have an (almost) 11 month old baby girl. I work for a large credit union and am very blessed that I have "banker hours". I work 7:00 - 4:00 Mon- Fri, and never have to work nights or weekends. Also, our company has EXCELLENT benefits AND my husband works there too! (double bonus) But the best thing about my job is that I am 3 minutes away from Kinzleigh during the day. She stays with my MIL who lives right down the road so I see Kinzleigh everyday at lunch. I am very spoiled!
When we found out we were expecting, it was never a thought that I would stay home. Our family works better with both incomes. We enjoy the fun things (traveling, shopping, eating out, etc.) that some families have to sacrifice when there is only 1 income. Plus...I just enjoy working. I love my co-workers, and some have become my best friends. I work with a lot of women who have older children so I can always go to them when I have questions, or when I just want to vent, and they are OK with that. If I were to stay home everyday, I wouldn't get that interaction and I would probably get bored; to be honest. I am a GO person. I am always moving. I am not one to sit around the house and watch TV. The first few months when I was home with Kinzleigh (6 weeks actually), I LOVED it. I could definitely see myself staying home with her everyday. But, since I've been back at work, I know now that I would have gone stir crazy. Good thing my God knows what's best for me and my family!
I work full time outside of the home. I also have an (almost) 11 month old baby girl. I work for a large credit union and am very blessed that I have "banker hours". I work 7:00 - 4:00 Mon- Fri, and never have to work nights or weekends. Also, our company has EXCELLENT benefits AND my husband works there too! (double bonus) But the best thing about my job is that I am 3 minutes away from Kinzleigh during the day. She stays with my MIL who lives right down the road so I see Kinzleigh everyday at lunch. I am very spoiled!
When we found out we were expecting, it was never a thought that I would stay home. Our family works better with both incomes. We enjoy the fun things (traveling, shopping, eating out, etc.) that some families have to sacrifice when there is only 1 income. Plus...I just enjoy working. I love my co-workers, and some have become my best friends. I work with a lot of women who have older children so I can always go to them when I have questions, or when I just want to vent, and they are OK with that. If I were to stay home everyday, I wouldn't get that interaction and I would probably get bored; to be honest. I am a GO person. I am always moving. I am not one to sit around the house and watch TV. The first few months when I was home with Kinzleigh (6 weeks actually), I LOVED it. I could definitely see myself staying home with her everyday. But, since I've been back at work, I know now that I would have gone stir crazy. Good thing my God knows what's best for me and my family!
Friday, February 10, 2012
New Momma thoughts
Different!! I have been thinking about this for a few months.
We have different personality types- so way we all view marriage, parenting, friendships, motherhood, etc will e different. God made us that way!
I truly feel that it is ok to not feel the same as someone else (even if its your best friend), you should embrace each others differences and love that woman even more! As moms- we should lift each other up and tell each other what an awesome job they are doing as a mom! Who cares if one breast feeds and the other doesn't? If one works and the other doesn't? We are all moms!!! We were all given the opportunity to make a difference in a child's life. Let's make the best of it!
In the months leading up to having Kinzleigh, I was so nervous. I was scared that things would change. (I am NOT good with change). I was terrified that I would be a horrible mother. How would I know if she was cold, hot, hungry, sick, etc? Would I know how to comfort her? Would I know how to love her? Now, don’t get me wrong, I never thought twice about having a baby. It was something I have always wanted. I knew I was meant to be a mother, but the fear was still there.
I remember everything moving so fast the day she was born – I was induced at 12:00 and by 8:15 I was pushing. Then she was out in 8 minutes. At that moment, everything in the room stopped. All that mattered was that my baby was here. She. Was. Perfect. She cried for a few seconds, and then suddenly looked up at me and stopped. My mind was blank. At that moment, I couldn’t remember half the things I wanted to say or do. When you are pregnant for 10 months, you always think about pictures you want to take, things you want to say, remember to count the fingers and toes, make sure to take a picture of her on the scale, etc. But at that moment, I couldn’t remember any of those things. In those first few days, all I wanted was to be with Kinzleigh. I wanted to learn all about her. I wanted to memorize every finger, every toe, every mark on her perfect little body. I wanted to cuddle with her and memorize the way she smelled and how dark her hair was. There was nothing more satisfying to me than being with her.
I was lucky to never experience the “baby blues”. I never felt guilty for spending so much time with Kinzleigh. I never ever felt bad for turning down girls nights. I never (and still to this day) felt like I needed a break from her. I enjoy her. I love watching her learn, and grow, and master new skills
I will never forget the day I decided to take a day off from work so I could spend the whole day with her. 4 months old. She was a little stuffy that day, not feeling like her normal self - and I will admit- I just wanted to be with her. I will never forget that THAT was the day she rolled over – all by herself! I made her do it over and over so she would master it. It hit me at that moment. I am sure there are going to be a lot of “firsts” that I miss being a full time working momma – but I refuse to feel guilty for it. I work so that my little girl will not do without. I work so that our family will not live paycheck to paycheck. I work because - well – because I want to work! There is nothing wrong with being a full time working momma. There is nothing wrong with my child spending 7-8 hours a day with someone other than her momma and daddy. I am very blessed to have a mother in law who watches Kinzleigh – but even if I did not have her to watch Kinzleigh, than Kinzleigh would still be ok going to daycare. I am not saying it was an easy decision to make – it breaks my heart not being with her during the day, but I know she will be ok. I know that it will not hurt her to be away from me or Tim for a few hours.
I may step on some toes here, which is not my intention, but we are all different! All of us will have different views on what is best for our children, our families, and our friendships. Just because 1 mother does not want her child in daycare so she quits working and decides to be a stay at home mom, and the other mom says it’s ok for her child to be in daycare while she works does not make either mom right or wrong. Will the children turn out to be different as adults because of it? Maybe. But that’s ok! My mom has worked everyday since I was born. She did not have any intention on being a stay home mom because she knew that it was not feasible for our family. I went to daycare everyday and was there from 7:30 – 5:00. My mom said I would watch her from the front window and cry when she dropped me off, and it broke her heart, but she had to do it in order for our family to survive. Because I went to daycare – I was potty trained at 18 months, I could write my name and talk full sentences by age 2, I learned to read at 4, and I was ahead of more than half the children in my Kindergarten class.
NOW- I am not saying that all kids who are in daycare are this advanced, nor am I saying that kids who stay home are not advanced. This is just my story. Tim and I have made the decision that once Kinzleigh is 2 years old, she will be put into a daycare as well. Even though my MIL has said she will watch her until she starts school, I believe it would be beneficial for Kinzleigh to be in a daycare or preschool setting prior to starting school.
I am tired. I am tired, and frustrated, and mad, and sad, and confused. I have been struggling with emotions the past few months that are not normal. My heart has been so heavy. I have been hurt by someone I love and care about due to being a mother and making the decision when she was born to put her first in everything I do.
I have tried to explain how I feel – I have tried to mend this heartbreak – I have tried to understand. But I am tired. I am so tired of always feeling like decisions I make will be criticized – or things I say will be mocked. I am tired of feeling that I am not a good mom because of things I do or say. But most of all – I am so sick and tired of people thinking they are above me because I am a mom. I will not let anyone else belittle me or make me feel worthless because I am a mom.
I am a mom! Nothing I do or say will ever change that. I am proud to be a mom. I would never want to change that.
Ok...enough serious stuff...how about some funny pictures of miss Priss pot?
We have different personality types- so way we all view marriage, parenting, friendships, motherhood, etc will e different. God made us that way!
I truly feel that it is ok to not feel the same as someone else (even if its your best friend), you should embrace each others differences and love that woman even more! As moms- we should lift each other up and tell each other what an awesome job they are doing as a mom! Who cares if one breast feeds and the other doesn't? If one works and the other doesn't? We are all moms!!! We were all given the opportunity to make a difference in a child's life. Let's make the best of it!
In the months leading up to having Kinzleigh, I was so nervous. I was scared that things would change. (I am NOT good with change). I was terrified that I would be a horrible mother. How would I know if she was cold, hot, hungry, sick, etc? Would I know how to comfort her? Would I know how to love her? Now, don’t get me wrong, I never thought twice about having a baby. It was something I have always wanted. I knew I was meant to be a mother, but the fear was still there.
I remember everything moving so fast the day she was born – I was induced at 12:00 and by 8:15 I was pushing. Then she was out in 8 minutes. At that moment, everything in the room stopped. All that mattered was that my baby was here. She. Was. Perfect. She cried for a few seconds, and then suddenly looked up at me and stopped. My mind was blank. At that moment, I couldn’t remember half the things I wanted to say or do. When you are pregnant for 10 months, you always think about pictures you want to take, things you want to say, remember to count the fingers and toes, make sure to take a picture of her on the scale, etc. But at that moment, I couldn’t remember any of those things. In those first few days, all I wanted was to be with Kinzleigh. I wanted to learn all about her. I wanted to memorize every finger, every toe, every mark on her perfect little body. I wanted to cuddle with her and memorize the way she smelled and how dark her hair was. There was nothing more satisfying to me than being with her.
I was lucky to never experience the “baby blues”. I never felt guilty for spending so much time with Kinzleigh. I never ever felt bad for turning down girls nights. I never (and still to this day) felt like I needed a break from her. I enjoy her. I love watching her learn, and grow, and master new skills
I will never forget the day I decided to take a day off from work so I could spend the whole day with her. 4 months old. She was a little stuffy that day, not feeling like her normal self - and I will admit- I just wanted to be with her. I will never forget that THAT was the day she rolled over – all by herself! I made her do it over and over so she would master it. It hit me at that moment. I am sure there are going to be a lot of “firsts” that I miss being a full time working momma – but I refuse to feel guilty for it. I work so that my little girl will not do without. I work so that our family will not live paycheck to paycheck. I work because - well – because I want to work! There is nothing wrong with being a full time working momma. There is nothing wrong with my child spending 7-8 hours a day with someone other than her momma and daddy. I am very blessed to have a mother in law who watches Kinzleigh – but even if I did not have her to watch Kinzleigh, than Kinzleigh would still be ok going to daycare. I am not saying it was an easy decision to make – it breaks my heart not being with her during the day, but I know she will be ok. I know that it will not hurt her to be away from me or Tim for a few hours.
I may step on some toes here, which is not my intention, but we are all different! All of us will have different views on what is best for our children, our families, and our friendships. Just because 1 mother does not want her child in daycare so she quits working and decides to be a stay at home mom, and the other mom says it’s ok for her child to be in daycare while she works does not make either mom right or wrong. Will the children turn out to be different as adults because of it? Maybe. But that’s ok! My mom has worked everyday since I was born. She did not have any intention on being a stay home mom because she knew that it was not feasible for our family. I went to daycare everyday and was there from 7:30 – 5:00. My mom said I would watch her from the front window and cry when she dropped me off, and it broke her heart, but she had to do it in order for our family to survive. Because I went to daycare – I was potty trained at 18 months, I could write my name and talk full sentences by age 2, I learned to read at 4, and I was ahead of more than half the children in my Kindergarten class.
NOW- I am not saying that all kids who are in daycare are this advanced, nor am I saying that kids who stay home are not advanced. This is just my story. Tim and I have made the decision that once Kinzleigh is 2 years old, she will be put into a daycare as well. Even though my MIL has said she will watch her until she starts school, I believe it would be beneficial for Kinzleigh to be in a daycare or preschool setting prior to starting school.
I am tired. I am tired, and frustrated, and mad, and sad, and confused. I have been struggling with emotions the past few months that are not normal. My heart has been so heavy. I have been hurt by someone I love and care about due to being a mother and making the decision when she was born to put her first in everything I do.
I have tried to explain how I feel – I have tried to mend this heartbreak – I have tried to understand. But I am tired. I am so tired of always feeling like decisions I make will be criticized – or things I say will be mocked. I am tired of feeling that I am not a good mom because of things I do or say. But most of all – I am so sick and tired of people thinking they are above me because I am a mom. I will not let anyone else belittle me or make me feel worthless because I am a mom.
I am a mom! Nothing I do or say will ever change that. I am proud to be a mom. I would never want to change that.
Ok...enough serious stuff...how about some funny pictures of miss Priss pot?
Sunday, February 05, 2012
getting on the right track
I have been ready to back on track with working out for quite some time but couldn't find the time/motivation and a part of me was always feeling selfish for wanting to work out instead of spending time with Kinzleigh. Well, I've realized it's time to get over all those feelings and find the time. So this week...I will do it! I am going to start training for my first 5K (running the whole way) and then eventually working up to a marathon! I am so excited to do this! I have plenty of friends that run so finding a running partner should not be hard. I need to do this for myself, for Tim, and for Kinzleigh. They deserve to have a wife and mother who is in shape and who cares about how she looks. I will be that wife and mother. Starting right now! There will be no holding back. I refuse to give up. I will run a marathon before the end of 2012. YAY!
( btw: I am already down 10 lbs and 1 pants size woohoo!!!)
And just because I want to remember why I am doing this...I want to be able to look back and see where I started.
( btw: I am already down 10 lbs and 1 pants size woohoo!!!)
And just because I want to remember why I am doing this...I want to be able to look back and see where I started.
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