Thursday, February 23, 2012
Lent and Baptist
Ok so I'm not Methodist (anymore) but I still feel the desire to fast during lent...do I am taking a 40 day break from Facebook! What?? I know I can do it, even though it's a bad addiction. So if I do not answer you for oh 40 days..that is why. Text me, or call me, or write me a real letter. I'm excited to do this. Especially since someone's going to have a HUGE birthday very soon. I want to spend as much time with Kinzleigh as possible and often times I am very distracted by the computer or my phone trying to catch up with the world. So now, when I feel the urge to get on fb, I will spend some more time with K or pull out my bible and spend some 1 on 1 time with Jesus.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
working momma
Linking up to Kellys Korner today for working mommas.
I work full time outside of the home. I also have an (almost) 11 month old baby girl. I work for a large credit union and am very blessed that I have "banker hours". I work 7:00 - 4:00 Mon- Fri, and never have to work nights or weekends. Also, our company has EXCELLENT benefits AND my husband works there too! (double bonus) But the best thing about my job is that I am 3 minutes away from Kinzleigh during the day. She stays with my MIL who lives right down the road so I see Kinzleigh everyday at lunch. I am very spoiled!
When we found out we were expecting, it was never a thought that I would stay home. Our family works better with both incomes. We enjoy the fun things (traveling, shopping, eating out, etc.) that some families have to sacrifice when there is only 1 income. Plus...I just enjoy working. I love my co-workers, and some have become my best friends. I work with a lot of women who have older children so I can always go to them when I have questions, or when I just want to vent, and they are OK with that. If I were to stay home everyday, I wouldn't get that interaction and I would probably get bored; to be honest. I am a GO person. I am always moving. I am not one to sit around the house and watch TV. The first few months when I was home with Kinzleigh (6 weeks actually), I LOVED it. I could definitely see myself staying home with her everyday. But, since I've been back at work, I know now that I would have gone stir crazy. Good thing my God knows what's best for me and my family!
I work full time outside of the home. I also have an (almost) 11 month old baby girl. I work for a large credit union and am very blessed that I have "banker hours". I work 7:00 - 4:00 Mon- Fri, and never have to work nights or weekends. Also, our company has EXCELLENT benefits AND my husband works there too! (double bonus) But the best thing about my job is that I am 3 minutes away from Kinzleigh during the day. She stays with my MIL who lives right down the road so I see Kinzleigh everyday at lunch. I am very spoiled!
When we found out we were expecting, it was never a thought that I would stay home. Our family works better with both incomes. We enjoy the fun things (traveling, shopping, eating out, etc.) that some families have to sacrifice when there is only 1 income. Plus...I just enjoy working. I love my co-workers, and some have become my best friends. I work with a lot of women who have older children so I can always go to them when I have questions, or when I just want to vent, and they are OK with that. If I were to stay home everyday, I wouldn't get that interaction and I would probably get bored; to be honest. I am a GO person. I am always moving. I am not one to sit around the house and watch TV. The first few months when I was home with Kinzleigh (6 weeks actually), I LOVED it. I could definitely see myself staying home with her everyday. But, since I've been back at work, I know now that I would have gone stir crazy. Good thing my God knows what's best for me and my family!
Friday, February 10, 2012
New Momma thoughts
Different!! I have been thinking about this for a few months.
We have different personality types- so way we all view marriage, parenting, friendships, motherhood, etc will e different. God made us that way!
I truly feel that it is ok to not feel the same as someone else (even if its your best friend), you should embrace each others differences and love that woman even more! As moms- we should lift each other up and tell each other what an awesome job they are doing as a mom! Who cares if one breast feeds and the other doesn't? If one works and the other doesn't? We are all moms!!! We were all given the opportunity to make a difference in a child's life. Let's make the best of it!
In the months leading up to having Kinzleigh, I was so nervous. I was scared that things would change. (I am NOT good with change). I was terrified that I would be a horrible mother. How would I know if she was cold, hot, hungry, sick, etc? Would I know how to comfort her? Would I know how to love her? Now, don’t get me wrong, I never thought twice about having a baby. It was something I have always wanted. I knew I was meant to be a mother, but the fear was still there.
I remember everything moving so fast the day she was born – I was induced at 12:00 and by 8:15 I was pushing. Then she was out in 8 minutes. At that moment, everything in the room stopped. All that mattered was that my baby was here. She. Was. Perfect. She cried for a few seconds, and then suddenly looked up at me and stopped. My mind was blank. At that moment, I couldn’t remember half the things I wanted to say or do. When you are pregnant for 10 months, you always think about pictures you want to take, things you want to say, remember to count the fingers and toes, make sure to take a picture of her on the scale, etc. But at that moment, I couldn’t remember any of those things. In those first few days, all I wanted was to be with Kinzleigh. I wanted to learn all about her. I wanted to memorize every finger, every toe, every mark on her perfect little body. I wanted to cuddle with her and memorize the way she smelled and how dark her hair was. There was nothing more satisfying to me than being with her.
I was lucky to never experience the “baby blues”. I never felt guilty for spending so much time with Kinzleigh. I never ever felt bad for turning down girls nights. I never (and still to this day) felt like I needed a break from her. I enjoy her. I love watching her learn, and grow, and master new skills
I will never forget the day I decided to take a day off from work so I could spend the whole day with her. 4 months old. She was a little stuffy that day, not feeling like her normal self - and I will admit- I just wanted to be with her. I will never forget that THAT was the day she rolled over – all by herself! I made her do it over and over so she would master it. It hit me at that moment. I am sure there are going to be a lot of “firsts” that I miss being a full time working momma – but I refuse to feel guilty for it. I work so that my little girl will not do without. I work so that our family will not live paycheck to paycheck. I work because - well – because I want to work! There is nothing wrong with being a full time working momma. There is nothing wrong with my child spending 7-8 hours a day with someone other than her momma and daddy. I am very blessed to have a mother in law who watches Kinzleigh – but even if I did not have her to watch Kinzleigh, than Kinzleigh would still be ok going to daycare. I am not saying it was an easy decision to make – it breaks my heart not being with her during the day, but I know she will be ok. I know that it will not hurt her to be away from me or Tim for a few hours.
I may step on some toes here, which is not my intention, but we are all different! All of us will have different views on what is best for our children, our families, and our friendships. Just because 1 mother does not want her child in daycare so she quits working and decides to be a stay at home mom, and the other mom says it’s ok for her child to be in daycare while she works does not make either mom right or wrong. Will the children turn out to be different as adults because of it? Maybe. But that’s ok! My mom has worked everyday since I was born. She did not have any intention on being a stay home mom because she knew that it was not feasible for our family. I went to daycare everyday and was there from 7:30 – 5:00. My mom said I would watch her from the front window and cry when she dropped me off, and it broke her heart, but she had to do it in order for our family to survive. Because I went to daycare – I was potty trained at 18 months, I could write my name and talk full sentences by age 2, I learned to read at 4, and I was ahead of more than half the children in my Kindergarten class.
NOW- I am not saying that all kids who are in daycare are this advanced, nor am I saying that kids who stay home are not advanced. This is just my story. Tim and I have made the decision that once Kinzleigh is 2 years old, she will be put into a daycare as well. Even though my MIL has said she will watch her until she starts school, I believe it would be beneficial for Kinzleigh to be in a daycare or preschool setting prior to starting school.
I am tired. I am tired, and frustrated, and mad, and sad, and confused. I have been struggling with emotions the past few months that are not normal. My heart has been so heavy. I have been hurt by someone I love and care about due to being a mother and making the decision when she was born to put her first in everything I do.
I have tried to explain how I feel – I have tried to mend this heartbreak – I have tried to understand. But I am tired. I am so tired of always feeling like decisions I make will be criticized – or things I say will be mocked. I am tired of feeling that I am not a good mom because of things I do or say. But most of all – I am so sick and tired of people thinking they are above me because I am a mom. I will not let anyone else belittle me or make me feel worthless because I am a mom.
I am a mom! Nothing I do or say will ever change that. I am proud to be a mom. I would never want to change that.
Ok...enough serious stuff...how about some funny pictures of miss Priss pot?
We have different personality types- so way we all view marriage, parenting, friendships, motherhood, etc will e different. God made us that way!
I truly feel that it is ok to not feel the same as someone else (even if its your best friend), you should embrace each others differences and love that woman even more! As moms- we should lift each other up and tell each other what an awesome job they are doing as a mom! Who cares if one breast feeds and the other doesn't? If one works and the other doesn't? We are all moms!!! We were all given the opportunity to make a difference in a child's life. Let's make the best of it!
In the months leading up to having Kinzleigh, I was so nervous. I was scared that things would change. (I am NOT good with change). I was terrified that I would be a horrible mother. How would I know if she was cold, hot, hungry, sick, etc? Would I know how to comfort her? Would I know how to love her? Now, don’t get me wrong, I never thought twice about having a baby. It was something I have always wanted. I knew I was meant to be a mother, but the fear was still there.
I remember everything moving so fast the day she was born – I was induced at 12:00 and by 8:15 I was pushing. Then she was out in 8 minutes. At that moment, everything in the room stopped. All that mattered was that my baby was here. She. Was. Perfect. She cried for a few seconds, and then suddenly looked up at me and stopped. My mind was blank. At that moment, I couldn’t remember half the things I wanted to say or do. When you are pregnant for 10 months, you always think about pictures you want to take, things you want to say, remember to count the fingers and toes, make sure to take a picture of her on the scale, etc. But at that moment, I couldn’t remember any of those things. In those first few days, all I wanted was to be with Kinzleigh. I wanted to learn all about her. I wanted to memorize every finger, every toe, every mark on her perfect little body. I wanted to cuddle with her and memorize the way she smelled and how dark her hair was. There was nothing more satisfying to me than being with her.
I was lucky to never experience the “baby blues”. I never felt guilty for spending so much time with Kinzleigh. I never ever felt bad for turning down girls nights. I never (and still to this day) felt like I needed a break from her. I enjoy her. I love watching her learn, and grow, and master new skills
I will never forget the day I decided to take a day off from work so I could spend the whole day with her. 4 months old. She was a little stuffy that day, not feeling like her normal self - and I will admit- I just wanted to be with her. I will never forget that THAT was the day she rolled over – all by herself! I made her do it over and over so she would master it. It hit me at that moment. I am sure there are going to be a lot of “firsts” that I miss being a full time working momma – but I refuse to feel guilty for it. I work so that my little girl will not do without. I work so that our family will not live paycheck to paycheck. I work because - well – because I want to work! There is nothing wrong with being a full time working momma. There is nothing wrong with my child spending 7-8 hours a day with someone other than her momma and daddy. I am very blessed to have a mother in law who watches Kinzleigh – but even if I did not have her to watch Kinzleigh, than Kinzleigh would still be ok going to daycare. I am not saying it was an easy decision to make – it breaks my heart not being with her during the day, but I know she will be ok. I know that it will not hurt her to be away from me or Tim for a few hours.
I may step on some toes here, which is not my intention, but we are all different! All of us will have different views on what is best for our children, our families, and our friendships. Just because 1 mother does not want her child in daycare so she quits working and decides to be a stay at home mom, and the other mom says it’s ok for her child to be in daycare while she works does not make either mom right or wrong. Will the children turn out to be different as adults because of it? Maybe. But that’s ok! My mom has worked everyday since I was born. She did not have any intention on being a stay home mom because she knew that it was not feasible for our family. I went to daycare everyday and was there from 7:30 – 5:00. My mom said I would watch her from the front window and cry when she dropped me off, and it broke her heart, but she had to do it in order for our family to survive. Because I went to daycare – I was potty trained at 18 months, I could write my name and talk full sentences by age 2, I learned to read at 4, and I was ahead of more than half the children in my Kindergarten class.
NOW- I am not saying that all kids who are in daycare are this advanced, nor am I saying that kids who stay home are not advanced. This is just my story. Tim and I have made the decision that once Kinzleigh is 2 years old, she will be put into a daycare as well. Even though my MIL has said she will watch her until she starts school, I believe it would be beneficial for Kinzleigh to be in a daycare or preschool setting prior to starting school.
I am tired. I am tired, and frustrated, and mad, and sad, and confused. I have been struggling with emotions the past few months that are not normal. My heart has been so heavy. I have been hurt by someone I love and care about due to being a mother and making the decision when she was born to put her first in everything I do.
I have tried to explain how I feel – I have tried to mend this heartbreak – I have tried to understand. But I am tired. I am so tired of always feeling like decisions I make will be criticized – or things I say will be mocked. I am tired of feeling that I am not a good mom because of things I do or say. But most of all – I am so sick and tired of people thinking they are above me because I am a mom. I will not let anyone else belittle me or make me feel worthless because I am a mom.
I am a mom! Nothing I do or say will ever change that. I am proud to be a mom. I would never want to change that.
Ok...enough serious stuff...how about some funny pictures of miss Priss pot?
Sunday, February 05, 2012
getting on the right track
I have been ready to back on track with working out for quite some time but couldn't find the time/motivation and a part of me was always feeling selfish for wanting to work out instead of spending time with Kinzleigh. Well, I've realized it's time to get over all those feelings and find the time. So this week...I will do it! I am going to start training for my first 5K (running the whole way) and then eventually working up to a marathon! I am so excited to do this! I have plenty of friends that run so finding a running partner should not be hard. I need to do this for myself, for Tim, and for Kinzleigh. They deserve to have a wife and mother who is in shape and who cares about how she looks. I will be that wife and mother. Starting right now! There will be no holding back. I refuse to give up. I will run a marathon before the end of 2012. YAY!
( btw: I am already down 10 lbs and 1 pants size woohoo!!!)
And just because I want to remember why I am doing this...I want to be able to look back and see where I started.
( btw: I am already down 10 lbs and 1 pants size woohoo!!!)
And just because I want to remember why I am doing this...I want to be able to look back and see where I started.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
being honest
Tonight is a night for honesty.
As I am sitting here watching Kinzleigh crawl around get into everything that is in her reach, I am reminded how very blessed I am to have such an amazing life. I mean... I have a husband who would bend over backwards to make life for Kinzleigh and I perfect. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach. I have a perfect little girl who was sent straight from God. I have wonderful pups who are so well behaved and love Kinzleigh with everything they have. I am blessed. Blessed beyond belief. Yet I still worry. I still feel sad sometimes. I still feel like I am not doing enough.
I struggle with left over baby weight.
I struggle with friendships that aren't perfect.
I struggle with insecurites.
I struggle with being a full time working mom and not being here with K all day.
I struggle knowing that I may never be a Perfect mom.
I struggle knowing that I may never be a Perfect wife.
But you know what? I think that's normal. I don't think there is anything wrong with worrying. I have grown into a woman who has learned it is best to leave the worrying to God. I know he will rescue me. I know he will carry me through things that I can not get through on my own. Man...I can't imagine not having my God.
A few years back, before I met Tim, I was lost. I truly believe had I not met him, if God had a different path for my life, I would be a completely different person today. I would be mean, and wild, and have no care for my future. When Tim and I met, he brought me back to church. I saw the kind of man he was (one that feared the Lord, a man that would be the Spiritual Leader in his house, a man that knew God brought us together) and I wanted to be where he was. I wanted to know the Lord more. I wanted to worship and really feel something.
Here is where I am today. I am a member of a wonderful church. I am a part of the choir. I have made more friends in this church than in any church I have been to - friends I know I can call upon and I trust with my whole heart.
I now know that there is nothing in the world that is more important than my family. My husband and my daughter. Without my husband and my daughter..I would not be the person I am today. Before, I did not care about other people. I did not care about friends or family. The only person I cared about was myself. I cared about going out, getting drunk every night, meeting boys, and bringing them home. I was LOST. I did not care who I hurt or who hurt me.
Today...I am a completely different person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If someone I care about hurts me, physically or emotionally, it bothers me to my core. When I worship; whether in my home, car, or church I feel the grace and mercy of God. I actually feel Him with me. When we got married, I knew my life would change. I knew I would become someone completely different and I was more than ready for what God had in store for us. We quit drinking. We quit going out. We quit being friends with those that only cared about getting drunk with us. God had so much more in store for us.
When I got pregnant, I learned more about love. I learned that you give up everything for your child. You become a different person. I remember sitting in the hospital room, moments after giving birth and being so shocked that I was a mom. I couldn't believe that God trusted me to raise a child in this world. How on earth was I supposed to do that? I remember having tons of visitors (I can't tell you who visited because I was doped up) but I do remember having people visit. I also remember kicking people out when it was time to nurse...oh nursing...it was so hard. Kinzleigh couldn't catch on. I couldn't catch on. We were a hot mess. It took us 6 weeks of fighting each other (K and I) before I finally bit the bullet and switched to formula. Oh how much fun that was when people found out you were not breastfeeding. Ha! Or when people found out that you hadn't had a date night with just your husband and your baby was already 2 months old. It's always funny to me how people are so quick to give advice. Even when it's not requested. I especially love I tell people that at 10 months old, Kinzleigh sleeps in the bed with us. haha. I just love seeing peoples expressions..it's always fun.
Here is what I have learned as a mom to a 10 month old.
*people will always give advice, yes, even strangers.
--no it does not matter if you do not want to put socks on your child. Just because the little old lady in the grocery store told you that your poor baby has freezing feet...you do not have to whip out socks.
*you will not always get to do what you want to do -- get over it
-- and I'm not talking about going out to a concert that starts at 10:00 pm, I'm talking about breastfeeding -if you can't or don't want to, it's not the end all be all.
*people will dissapoint you--again get over it.
****will finish tomorrow************
As I am sitting here watching Kinzleigh crawl around get into everything that is in her reach, I am reminded how very blessed I am to have such an amazing life. I mean... I have a husband who would bend over backwards to make life for Kinzleigh and I perfect. I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach. I have a perfect little girl who was sent straight from God. I have wonderful pups who are so well behaved and love Kinzleigh with everything they have. I am blessed. Blessed beyond belief. Yet I still worry. I still feel sad sometimes. I still feel like I am not doing enough.
I struggle with left over baby weight.
I struggle with friendships that aren't perfect.
I struggle with insecurites.
I struggle with being a full time working mom and not being here with K all day.
I struggle knowing that I may never be a Perfect mom.
I struggle knowing that I may never be a Perfect wife.
But you know what? I think that's normal. I don't think there is anything wrong with worrying. I have grown into a woman who has learned it is best to leave the worrying to God. I know he will rescue me. I know he will carry me through things that I can not get through on my own. Man...I can't imagine not having my God.
A few years back, before I met Tim, I was lost. I truly believe had I not met him, if God had a different path for my life, I would be a completely different person today. I would be mean, and wild, and have no care for my future. When Tim and I met, he brought me back to church. I saw the kind of man he was (one that feared the Lord, a man that would be the Spiritual Leader in his house, a man that knew God brought us together) and I wanted to be where he was. I wanted to know the Lord more. I wanted to worship and really feel something.
Here is where I am today. I am a member of a wonderful church. I am a part of the choir. I have made more friends in this church than in any church I have been to - friends I know I can call upon and I trust with my whole heart.
I now know that there is nothing in the world that is more important than my family. My husband and my daughter. Without my husband and my daughter..I would not be the person I am today. Before, I did not care about other people. I did not care about friends or family. The only person I cared about was myself. I cared about going out, getting drunk every night, meeting boys, and bringing them home. I was LOST. I did not care who I hurt or who hurt me.
Today...I am a completely different person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If someone I care about hurts me, physically or emotionally, it bothers me to my core. When I worship; whether in my home, car, or church I feel the grace and mercy of God. I actually feel Him with me. When we got married, I knew my life would change. I knew I would become someone completely different and I was more than ready for what God had in store for us. We quit drinking. We quit going out. We quit being friends with those that only cared about getting drunk with us. God had so much more in store for us.
When I got pregnant, I learned more about love. I learned that you give up everything for your child. You become a different person. I remember sitting in the hospital room, moments after giving birth and being so shocked that I was a mom. I couldn't believe that God trusted me to raise a child in this world. How on earth was I supposed to do that? I remember having tons of visitors (I can't tell you who visited because I was doped up) but I do remember having people visit. I also remember kicking people out when it was time to nurse...oh nursing...it was so hard. Kinzleigh couldn't catch on. I couldn't catch on. We were a hot mess. It took us 6 weeks of fighting each other (K and I) before I finally bit the bullet and switched to formula. Oh how much fun that was when people found out you were not breastfeeding. Ha! Or when people found out that you hadn't had a date night with just your husband and your baby was already 2 months old. It's always funny to me how people are so quick to give advice. Even when it's not requested. I especially love I tell people that at 10 months old, Kinzleigh sleeps in the bed with us. haha. I just love seeing peoples expressions..it's always fun.
Here is what I have learned as a mom to a 10 month old.
*people will always give advice, yes, even strangers.
--no it does not matter if you do not want to put socks on your child. Just because the little old lady in the grocery store told you that your poor baby has freezing feet...you do not have to whip out socks.
*you will not always get to do what you want to do -- get over it
-- and I'm not talking about going out to a concert that starts at 10:00 pm, I'm talking about breastfeeding -if you can't or don't want to, it's not the end all be all.
*people will dissapoint you--again get over it.
****will finish tomorrow************
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Weekends
I live for the weekends and so does this pretty girl. I love that I can spend all day just lounging around and sleeping or watching tv, or just watching Kinzleigh enjoy the world around her.
I am in full party planning mode and finally picked the the for K's party. We will be doing a "girlie zoo". Here is what 1 of her outfits will look like.
I am in full party planning mode and finally picked the the for K's party. We will be doing a "girlie zoo". Here is what 1 of her outfits will look like.
Friday, January 06, 2012
New Year...New Days....New Ways...
Here are my "Resolutions" for 2012.
1) Read more..starting tonight with my Bible!
2) SIGHTSEE...(it is now 1/6/11...and our family of 5...dogs included...have been camping to 2 different campsites already!)
3) Live like no one else so that later we can LIVE like no one else. (cash only please)
4) Stop letting others tell me how to live. (or should I say...stop caring so much about what others think and live how I want to live)
5) Lose the baby weight ( I mean Seriously lose it)
6) LET GO!! I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care about everyone, and I mean, Everyone. I want everyone to be happy and sometimes forget about myself. This is it! I am tired. I am exhausted. And I am ready to be happy. So I am going to learn this year how to just BE.
1) Read more..starting tonight with my Bible!
2) SIGHTSEE...(it is now 1/6/11...and our family of 5...dogs included...have been camping to 2 different campsites already!)
3) Live like no one else so that later we can LIVE like no one else. (cash only please)
4) Stop letting others tell me how to live. (or should I say...stop caring so much about what others think and live how I want to live)
5) Lose the baby weight ( I mean Seriously lose it)
6) LET GO!! I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care about everyone, and I mean, Everyone. I want everyone to be happy and sometimes forget about myself. This is it! I am tired. I am exhausted. And I am ready to be happy. So I am going to learn this year how to just BE.
I realize this list is getting long....
7) Eat better...(ok maybe not perfect...I may still have the occasional processed food...GASP - but I will make an effort to eat better.)
8) Spend more time playing with her...
and less time playing on the computer/phone.
(starting tonight...all notifications on my phone have been turned off and I will no longer feel the need to rush to it when I hear a text message)
With that said....I'm out! (I have a little one trying to eat dog food)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Thankful...
I was reading through old blog posts today and came across one from November 2010 where I listed 10 things I was thankful for...I think it's time for me to do that again. :)
1. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If you do not believe in Him...You are missing out!!
2. With that being said, I am thankful for my Salvation. I am thankful that no matter what mistakes I make, my God is so loving and will always forgive me. It feels so good to be surrounded by His grace and goodness.
3. My Husband...When I was in 7th grade, my youth director told all the girls to make a list of qualities we would want our future husband to have and pray about it. She said that God will give us the desires of our heart. Well...long story made short; God does provide. My husband is the most God fearing, Loving, devoted, hard working man I have ever met and he continues to amaze me everyday. I am so Thankful for him.
4. My daughter. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful, delightful, funny, and loving little girl. She may only be 7 months old...but I have never loved someone as much as I love her. It's hard to remember what life was like before she came into our life.
5. Our Dogs...2 chocolate labs. They are great dogs and seeing how good they are with Kinzleigh makes me love them even more. :)
6. My Mom - Me and my momma are best friends. Now that I am a mother, I respect her on a whole different level. I never realized how hard it was to be a parent. I never imagined you could lose friends because you had children, and my mom has told me of numerous friends that have turned their back on her because she had us kids. Becoming a parent is such a HUGE transition and is so hard at times, but it is also so rewarding. I am so blessed that my mother took time to tell my brother and I that she loved us. She gave me her huge! caring heart and her worrysome blood. She worries about everything...and now so do I. :) She wears her heart on her sleeve, and I am starting to see that I do too. She is an amazing mom and I love her so much! I pray that I am that type of mother to Kinzleigh.
7. My Brother - even though we have fought in the past, now that we are both older we have such respect for each other. We still argue, but it's not fist fights anymore. :) He is growing into quite the young man and I am so excited to watch him grow, marry, and start a family of his own.
8. My friends - I am 28. (will be 29 in 1 month) ahhH!!! My best friend and I have been best friends for 15 years?? That is crazy for me to think about. I love that girl though! I love having friends that you can go weeks or months without talking to, and then you pick right back up when you get together. I have learned a lot about friendship in the past 29 years....man, have I learned a lot. Friends are definitely important for the soul. Most of my friends are so close, they are more like family. I would say that is the best type of friendship. :)
9. My job. - I love my job. I love that I work Mon-Fri 8-5 (give or take). I am blessed with great pay and I work with amazing women. There is rarely a day when I go to work and come home without a smile.I also love that I don't work weekends or holidays. Those are such cherished moments and I need those days with my family.
10. My home - I am so thankful that I have a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I know that these are things that I do not deserve, so I give all the glory to Jesus. Without Him in my life, I know it would be a struggle to get by and survive. But with Him, everything is so easy! Paying our mortgage, buying groceries, making sure KG is taken care of...those things come so easy with God on our side. :)
And that's my list. I could go on and on and on. I am so thankful for everything I have been blessed with in life. I wouldn't trade my life for any other!
1. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If you do not believe in Him...You are missing out!!
2. With that being said, I am thankful for my Salvation. I am thankful that no matter what mistakes I make, my God is so loving and will always forgive me. It feels so good to be surrounded by His grace and goodness.
3. My Husband...When I was in 7th grade, my youth director told all the girls to make a list of qualities we would want our future husband to have and pray about it. She said that God will give us the desires of our heart. Well...long story made short; God does provide. My husband is the most God fearing, Loving, devoted, hard working man I have ever met and he continues to amaze me everyday. I am so Thankful for him.
4. My daughter. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful, delightful, funny, and loving little girl. She may only be 7 months old...but I have never loved someone as much as I love her. It's hard to remember what life was like before she came into our life.
5. Our Dogs...2 chocolate labs. They are great dogs and seeing how good they are with Kinzleigh makes me love them even more. :)
6. My Mom - Me and my momma are best friends. Now that I am a mother, I respect her on a whole different level. I never realized how hard it was to be a parent. I never imagined you could lose friends because you had children, and my mom has told me of numerous friends that have turned their back on her because she had us kids. Becoming a parent is such a HUGE transition and is so hard at times, but it is also so rewarding. I am so blessed that my mother took time to tell my brother and I that she loved us. She gave me her huge! caring heart and her worrysome blood. She worries about everything...and now so do I. :) She wears her heart on her sleeve, and I am starting to see that I do too. She is an amazing mom and I love her so much! I pray that I am that type of mother to Kinzleigh.
7. My Brother - even though we have fought in the past, now that we are both older we have such respect for each other. We still argue, but it's not fist fights anymore. :) He is growing into quite the young man and I am so excited to watch him grow, marry, and start a family of his own.
8. My friends - I am 28. (will be 29 in 1 month) ahhH!!! My best friend and I have been best friends for 15 years?? That is crazy for me to think about. I love that girl though! I love having friends that you can go weeks or months without talking to, and then you pick right back up when you get together. I have learned a lot about friendship in the past 29 years....man, have I learned a lot. Friends are definitely important for the soul. Most of my friends are so close, they are more like family. I would say that is the best type of friendship. :)
9. My job. - I love my job. I love that I work Mon-Fri 8-5 (give or take). I am blessed with great pay and I work with amazing women. There is rarely a day when I go to work and come home without a smile.I also love that I don't work weekends or holidays. Those are such cherished moments and I need those days with my family.
10. My home - I am so thankful that I have a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I know that these are things that I do not deserve, so I give all the glory to Jesus. Without Him in my life, I know it would be a struggle to get by and survive. But with Him, everything is so easy! Paying our mortgage, buying groceries, making sure KG is taken care of...those things come so easy with God on our side. :)
And that's my list. I could go on and on and on. I am so thankful for everything I have been blessed with in life. I wouldn't trade my life for any other!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Fall Weather
The past couple of months have been very tough. I have been dissapointed on numerous occasions, however, I have a very loving and understanding Husband and family that have been there through it all. I am always reminded that no matter what I am going through, there are other people in this world that are going through a lot more. So, I continue to smile and pray daily that God continues to remind me of this.
Kinzleigh is growing so much. She is becoming so verbal, and really loves people. Anytime someone new is around, she will smile and yell "hey" so loud until they acknowledge her. I feel like since I work all day, I miss so much now. But I am so blessed that she is right down the road and I can see her on my lunch break. It's hard being a mom at times. I always worry if I am doing/saying the right things. I worry about the person that she will grow up to be. I pray that she will Love Jesus as much as we do, and learn to lean on Him through everything. I pray that one day, she will find a husband just like her daddy. I pray that she will make friends that will not let her down, and if they do, I pray she learns how to let go. I love that she is being raised in home that worships God, and loves people. and I love that her daddy has such a servant heart. I hope she learns to have a servant heart as well. We may fail and sometimes make mistakes as parents, but it's such a relief to know that God will forgive us. No matter what people may think about us, or say behind our backs, I am very happy with the life that God gave us. I prayed and prayed to have a baby...and God has blessed us beyond measure. Kinzleigh is our miracle. (not many people know...but there was a point where we were told that we may never have children.) So yes...she is truly our miracle.
Monday, October 31, 2011
7 months and growing...
I haven't been doing a good job in keeping up with this blog, but I am determined to start fresh!
For those coming over from Kelly's Korner - My husband and I tried for 13 months to get pregnant, had 1 miscarriage and then conceived the month we were off all fertitly drugs and letting God have control. I know there are many other women that tried for a lot longer to have children, and some that are still trying to conceive with no luck. Trust me when I say that GOD is in control!!!
We do not know if we will have other children (I, personally, enjoy spoiling Kinzleigh - and am proud to say that!) but if God blesses us with more, we will be happy.
Kinzleigh Grace...You are 7 months old!!!
Can you believe it!?!? Where has the time gone??
You have certainly become our little "Priss Pot", our little "K-Bug", our little "Princess"
I love you so much Kinzleigh and could not imagine our life without you in it.
You are currently 15 lbs.
You wear size 2 or 3 diaper.
You are in onesie's size 3-6 month, pants 6-9 months, some shirts that are 6-9 months, and shoes from size 0 to size 3.
You are growing sooo fast!! (Make it stop!!)
You are so funny and even when you are sick, you still make us laugh.
You love standing up, saying "hey", crying for momma - and then laughing when you get your way.
You love laughing, our 2 big horses dogs, sticking out your tongue, being tickled, and pat-a-cake.
I can't believe that I prayed for you for 13 months before God blessed us with YOU- peanut. You are our little miracle! I love you!!
For those coming over from Kelly's Korner - My husband and I tried for 13 months to get pregnant, had 1 miscarriage and then conceived the month we were off all fertitly drugs and letting God have control. I know there are many other women that tried for a lot longer to have children, and some that are still trying to conceive with no luck. Trust me when I say that GOD is in control!!!
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans!"
We have decided that we are going to let God be in control from here on out. :)We do not know if we will have other children (I, personally, enjoy spoiling Kinzleigh - and am proud to say that!) but if God blesses us with more, we will be happy.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
She's Here....
So our precious angel Kinzleigh Grace Hadden has arrived!
I am going to write out our labor story so I can remember this in years to come. I find that I'm already forgetting some of the little details and I don't want to forget them all....So I have my bottle of water handy, my baby girl laying across my chest sleeping, and I'm ready to go.
It really started on Saturday March 19. My mom and I were spending the day together since Tim was at work, we started the day by going thrift store shopping, went and got pedicures, and then ended the day at the Beulah Sausage Festival. My feet at the end of the day were swollen beyond recognition and to say I was miserable was an understatement. I was very much looking forward to my appointment on the following Tuesday.
When I went to my appointment on Tuesday, the Dr asked how I was feeling and I laughed jokingly saying how I was ready to have this baby. He said he could induce me but would have to wait until 39 weeks, so I would still have 2 weeks to go. I was happy hearing that, even though I would still have some time to wait, anytime earlier than waiting longer would be fine with me. While he was examining me, he noticed that my blood pressure was higher and I had gained 12 pounds in 4 weeks. Which is A LOT for me...the whole pregnancy I had gained 40 up to that point, and I was starting to gain weight to fast. He then noticed how swollen my feet, ankles and legs were and checked my reflexes. Which he said were Very Brisk. The Dr looked at me and said, "looks like you are going to get your wish afterall, you my dear, are pre-eclamptic" He gave me orders to go home, pack a bag, and head straight to the hospital. I would be staying overnight for a 24 hour urinalysis, along with complete bedrest, and strict sodium free diet. I headed into the ultrasound room to make sure Kinzleigh was head down still and to make sure she was ok to come early...which she was. And then made a phone call to Tim and my mom letting them know what was going on. I headed home, packed a bag, and Tim and I headed to the hospital.
Once we arrived at the hospital, check in was very easy. They were already waiting on me to get there so my room was ready. I was checked in, went to my room, and Tim and I settled in for the night. Until the IV nurse came in...let me say...that was the worse pain I have ever been in. The inital nurse that came in attempted to put the IV into my right wrist...right at my bone...I screamed, I cried, and squeezed the snot out of Tim's hand. Well, finally she was finished...or so I thought. Turns out, the vein rolled so she wasn't able to get the IV inserted. She then stood up, said she was going to give us a break, and left the room. So now, not only did I just have this horrible pain in my wrist, I would have to undergo it again. A few minutes later a second nurse came in, (with lidacain to numb the area first) and after trying to insert the IV into my hand (my vein collapsed) she finally got the IV in right below the crease under my elbow. It still hurt...but the lidacain helped tramendously. IV's are no fun!
After all that, we were finally able to get a little rest. We weren't sure what the next plan would be, all we could do was wait until we saw my Dr the next day. That night we talked about all the different possiblities that could happen, would we be sent home, would we be at the hospital until she was born a couple weeks later, or would we be induced and leave the hospital with a new baby a couple days later? It was all up in the air at that point.
The next morning, my Dr came in and talked with us for quite a while about the different options we had. He pretty much told us that we weren't going anywhere until we had this baby. He said that he was pretty positive that I was pre-eclamptic and he wanted to take Kinzleigh as soon as possible to prevent anything serious from happening to either of us. But because she was 3 weeks early, he would have to get permission from the Maternal Fetal Doctor (this Dr determines whether early induction should happen or whether it's better to wait). So a couple hours later, we met Dr Thorpe. He asked us a few questions, stood up, and said..."yep, we are going to induce you. You have 1 hour to get a shower and get ready to start induction"
Oh my...Tim and I were so excited! We just couldn't believe we would meet our little angel in just a few hours. Even though everyone told us induction would be horrible and normally lasts a long time with first pregnancy's, we were very excited to know the time had arrived finally.
I hurried through a quick shower, and we were taken to a room in labor and delivery. Once I was all set up and hooked up to every piece of equipment in the room, I was given the cervidil to start the induction. I was told it would take 4 hours before they could check me and then if I needed another one, they would give me one at that point. So now we were in wait mode. The 4 hours seemed to fly by. I started feeling the contractions, but they only felt like period cramps to me, so it wasn't too bad. At 4:00, the nurse checked me, and I was far enough along to get started on pictocin. So she went and got my Dr. I remember asking the nurse earlier when I could start my epidural and she advised not to start it until my water broke because she didn't want it to run out if my labor lasted long. Well once my doctor came in and checked me, he immediately asked for the tool to break my water. While he was breaking my water, my nurse ran out to get the epidural on its way. She knew I would be begging for it after that. :) I ended up SOAKING the bed when my water broke, I was full of water!, and I got my epi around 20 minutes after that. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. For some reason I wasn't nervous about the epi, like I was when I got my IV. I guess because I knew they would numb the area first. Within minutes of getting the epidural, I was a brand new person. I felt so much better and a lot more comfortable. I remember my mom, Carrie and Vicki coming back in and were surprised at how different I looked. I guess they could tell that the contractions were uncomfortable even though I didn't say much about the pain.
About 1-2 hours after getting Pictocin, getting my water broke, and getting my epidural, my contractions were less than 1 minute apart and were Strong! So strong in fact, that they had to rotate my body numorous times because Kinzleigh was reacting bad to the contractions. Eventually, they just decided to turn the pictocin off for a while. At 7:50, my doctor walked in to check my progress. To our surprise I was Fully dilated and ready to start pushing. I was only 4 cm at 4:00 when my water was broke, so we were very surprised to see that I was already fully dilated.
The room was transformed within a matter of minutes, I started pushing at 8:14 -- the nurse and doctor said I would probably be pushing for a couple hours since Kinzleigh was so high and it was my first pregnancy. At 8:30, my doctor came back in the room....I was doing a great job pushing because he walked in and said "oh my" and then the room became frantic as everyone was throwing on scrubs, gloves, masks...and getting everything opened up. Kinzleigh was born at 8:34 PM...I pushed for 20 minutes. amazing!
I was immediately in love. A love I have never felt before. She was perfect!
I am going to write out our labor story so I can remember this in years to come. I find that I'm already forgetting some of the little details and I don't want to forget them all....So I have my bottle of water handy, my baby girl laying across my chest sleeping, and I'm ready to go.
It really started on Saturday March 19. My mom and I were spending the day together since Tim was at work, we started the day by going thrift store shopping, went and got pedicures, and then ended the day at the Beulah Sausage Festival. My feet at the end of the day were swollen beyond recognition and to say I was miserable was an understatement. I was very much looking forward to my appointment on the following Tuesday.
When I went to my appointment on Tuesday, the Dr asked how I was feeling and I laughed jokingly saying how I was ready to have this baby. He said he could induce me but would have to wait until 39 weeks, so I would still have 2 weeks to go. I was happy hearing that, even though I would still have some time to wait, anytime earlier than waiting longer would be fine with me. While he was examining me, he noticed that my blood pressure was higher and I had gained 12 pounds in 4 weeks. Which is A LOT for me...the whole pregnancy I had gained 40 up to that point, and I was starting to gain weight to fast. He then noticed how swollen my feet, ankles and legs were and checked my reflexes. Which he said were Very Brisk. The Dr looked at me and said, "looks like you are going to get your wish afterall, you my dear, are pre-eclamptic" He gave me orders to go home, pack a bag, and head straight to the hospital. I would be staying overnight for a 24 hour urinalysis, along with complete bedrest, and strict sodium free diet. I headed into the ultrasound room to make sure Kinzleigh was head down still and to make sure she was ok to come early...which she was. And then made a phone call to Tim and my mom letting them know what was going on. I headed home, packed a bag, and Tim and I headed to the hospital.
Once we arrived at the hospital, check in was very easy. They were already waiting on me to get there so my room was ready. I was checked in, went to my room, and Tim and I settled in for the night. Until the IV nurse came in...let me say...that was the worse pain I have ever been in. The inital nurse that came in attempted to put the IV into my right wrist...right at my bone...I screamed, I cried, and squeezed the snot out of Tim's hand. Well, finally she was finished...or so I thought. Turns out, the vein rolled so she wasn't able to get the IV inserted. She then stood up, said she was going to give us a break, and left the room. So now, not only did I just have this horrible pain in my wrist, I would have to undergo it again. A few minutes later a second nurse came in, (with lidacain to numb the area first) and after trying to insert the IV into my hand (my vein collapsed) she finally got the IV in right below the crease under my elbow. It still hurt...but the lidacain helped tramendously. IV's are no fun!
After all that, we were finally able to get a little rest. We weren't sure what the next plan would be, all we could do was wait until we saw my Dr the next day. That night we talked about all the different possiblities that could happen, would we be sent home, would we be at the hospital until she was born a couple weeks later, or would we be induced and leave the hospital with a new baby a couple days later? It was all up in the air at that point.
The next morning, my Dr came in and talked with us for quite a while about the different options we had. He pretty much told us that we weren't going anywhere until we had this baby. He said that he was pretty positive that I was pre-eclamptic and he wanted to take Kinzleigh as soon as possible to prevent anything serious from happening to either of us. But because she was 3 weeks early, he would have to get permission from the Maternal Fetal Doctor (this Dr determines whether early induction should happen or whether it's better to wait). So a couple hours later, we met Dr Thorpe. He asked us a few questions, stood up, and said..."yep, we are going to induce you. You have 1 hour to get a shower and get ready to start induction"
Oh my...Tim and I were so excited! We just couldn't believe we would meet our little angel in just a few hours. Even though everyone told us induction would be horrible and normally lasts a long time with first pregnancy's, we were very excited to know the time had arrived finally.
I hurried through a quick shower, and we were taken to a room in labor and delivery. Once I was all set up and hooked up to every piece of equipment in the room, I was given the cervidil to start the induction. I was told it would take 4 hours before they could check me and then if I needed another one, they would give me one at that point. So now we were in wait mode. The 4 hours seemed to fly by. I started feeling the contractions, but they only felt like period cramps to me, so it wasn't too bad. At 4:00, the nurse checked me, and I was far enough along to get started on pictocin. So she went and got my Dr. I remember asking the nurse earlier when I could start my epidural and she advised not to start it until my water broke because she didn't want it to run out if my labor lasted long. Well once my doctor came in and checked me, he immediately asked for the tool to break my water. While he was breaking my water, my nurse ran out to get the epidural on its way. She knew I would be begging for it after that. :) I ended up SOAKING the bed when my water broke, I was full of water!, and I got my epi around 20 minutes after that. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. For some reason I wasn't nervous about the epi, like I was when I got my IV. I guess because I knew they would numb the area first. Within minutes of getting the epidural, I was a brand new person. I felt so much better and a lot more comfortable. I remember my mom, Carrie and Vicki coming back in and were surprised at how different I looked. I guess they could tell that the contractions were uncomfortable even though I didn't say much about the pain.
About 1-2 hours after getting Pictocin, getting my water broke, and getting my epidural, my contractions were less than 1 minute apart and were Strong! So strong in fact, that they had to rotate my body numorous times because Kinzleigh was reacting bad to the contractions. Eventually, they just decided to turn the pictocin off for a while. At 7:50, my doctor walked in to check my progress. To our surprise I was Fully dilated and ready to start pushing. I was only 4 cm at 4:00 when my water was broke, so we were very surprised to see that I was already fully dilated.
The room was transformed within a matter of minutes, I started pushing at 8:14 -- the nurse and doctor said I would probably be pushing for a couple hours since Kinzleigh was so high and it was my first pregnancy. At 8:30, my doctor came back in the room....I was doing a great job pushing because he walked in and said "oh my" and then the room became frantic as everyone was throwing on scrubs, gloves, masks...and getting everything opened up. Kinzleigh was born at 8:34 PM...I pushed for 20 minutes. amazing!
I was immediately in love. A love I have never felt before. She was perfect!
Saturday, March 05, 2011
35 weeks...
I'm 35 weeks!
(and doing a terrible job updating this blog..)
Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 35 Weeks
Size of baby: Kinzleigh is around 5.5 lbs (I'm guessing)
Total Weight Gain/Loss: haha...I've gained 40 lbs thus far...crazy I know!
Maternity Clothes: there are VERY few peices that aren't maternity. Everything is swollen at this point
Gender: It's a girl!!! Kinzleigh Grace Hadden
Movement: She is VERY active - especially at night and in the early morning...I'm typing this at 5:00 AM on Saturday because she woke me up tossing and turning. :)
Sleep: What was that again??
What I miss: oh man....I've been craving sushi! Bending over without grunting, sleeping on my stomach, sleeping at all...lol
Cravings: mostly fruity stuff
Symptoms: pressure pressure pressure...I have been VERY swollen and sore too!
I also have terrible insomnia.
Best Moment this week: making it to 35 weeks! 5 more weeks baby girl!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
20 WEEKS
PREGNANCY HIGHLIGHTS:
How Far Along: 20 Weeks
Size of baby: around 10 ounces
Maternity Clothes: i am still able to wear a lot of my pants and jeans because I'm carrying so high. I am slowly switching to more maternity shirts.
Gender: Girl!!! Kinzleigh Grace Hadden
Movement: oh yes! She is our future gymnast!
Sleep: I am bouts of insomnia, where I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get comfortable...then there are nights I sleep like a rock!
What I miss: eating sushi, sleeping on my stomach, not having a backache every 10 minutes...
Cravings: mostly fruit
Symptons: still aversion to meat...and NAUSEA! I have morning sickness like nobody's business..and am constantly gagging at inappropriate times.
Best Moment this week: Feeling our little girl wiggle around like a jumping bean and shopping for our little princess
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I am 10 weeks!!
I'm 10 weeks!
Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 10 Weeks
Size of baby: Baby H is the size 1 inch, about the size of a kumquat.
Maternity Clothes: I am starting to wear Maternity shirts, because they are loose and I'm a little self conscious about my pooch...but other than that, my normal clothes still fit.
Gender: Will find out in 8 weeks!
Movement: none yet, except for the occasional butterfly feeling
Sleep: ha! I sleep like a ROCK! and ALL the time!
What I miss: Nothing yet
Cravings: Tomatoes and Banana Peppers
Symptons: The only REAL symptoms I've had is Exhaustion and anversion to meat...I can't even think about it without cringing.
Best Moment this week: getting to see my little kumquat dancing this morning!
Monday, August 02, 2010
the cup has tipped..
God is so Good!!!
Welcome Baby Hadden!
It all started a couple months ago when Tim and I found out that we would be helping to lead a small group at Worship on Tuesdays. Well that was a wonderful opportunity and we are so thankful. It has been a blessing to be able to share the word of God with other couples.
A week later, I got an interview for a new job that opened up. (If you know me, than you know that I hated my job in the contact center answering phones and getting yelled at everyday) 1 week later, I heard news that I got the job! So I was scheduled to start on July 19. Which in my eyes was light years away.
We went through 2 weeks of training and the second week of training, I found out that I was pregnant.
Here is how it happened.
On Tuesday (the week before) I went to the gym like normal to run on the treadmill. About 7 min in, I started getting real dizzy and ended up quiting before I reached my mile. But I didn't think much of it, I thought maybe I didn't eat enough that day. So Thursday, a friend at work invited me to go to a step class with her after work in our gym. I went, and again 10 min in, and I had to leave because I got so dizzy I couldn't see straight. I came home and went straight to bed.
Well the next week (the week I should've started) Tim talked me into taking a test. I took one on Wednesday, rushed through it and jumped in the shower. While in the shower, I talked to God. I told him that no matter what happens with the test, I will be thankful. I promised that I would not cry or be sad and that it was all in His hands. I get out of the shower, glance at the test, and see something that may look like a double line. So I call Tim, he decides to bring home the digital test that night so that we can know for sure.
Sure enough....Digital test say's PREGNANT!!!
I am beyond excited and can not wait to see Tim holding that baby for the first time.
Thank you all for the prayers!!! This would NOT have happened had it not been for God's will.
love you all
Brandi
Welcome Baby Hadden!
It all started a couple months ago when Tim and I found out that we would be helping to lead a small group at Worship on Tuesdays. Well that was a wonderful opportunity and we are so thankful. It has been a blessing to be able to share the word of God with other couples.
A week later, I got an interview for a new job that opened up. (If you know me, than you know that I hated my job in the contact center answering phones and getting yelled at everyday) 1 week later, I heard news that I got the job! So I was scheduled to start on July 19. Which in my eyes was light years away.
We went through 2 weeks of training and the second week of training, I found out that I was pregnant.
Here is how it happened.
On Tuesday (the week before) I went to the gym like normal to run on the treadmill. About 7 min in, I started getting real dizzy and ended up quiting before I reached my mile. But I didn't think much of it, I thought maybe I didn't eat enough that day. So Thursday, a friend at work invited me to go to a step class with her after work in our gym. I went, and again 10 min in, and I had to leave because I got so dizzy I couldn't see straight. I came home and went straight to bed.
Well the next week (the week I should've started) Tim talked me into taking a test. I took one on Wednesday, rushed through it and jumped in the shower. While in the shower, I talked to God. I told him that no matter what happens with the test, I will be thankful. I promised that I would not cry or be sad and that it was all in His hands. I get out of the shower, glance at the test, and see something that may look like a double line. So I call Tim, he decides to bring home the digital test that night so that we can know for sure.
Sure enough....Digital test say's PREGNANT!!!
I am beyond excited and can not wait to see Tim holding that baby for the first time.
Thank you all for the prayers!!! This would NOT have happened had it not been for God's will.
love you all
Brandi
Monday, May 03, 2010
He Reigns Forevermore....
I don't really have much to update. I haven't been back to the doctor yet, so I don't really have any news.
Tim and I started a life group at church. It's basically a small group with other young married couples who are in their first couple years of marriage. I. LOVE. IT. These people, I just know, will become life long friends. There are about 30 people that pile into the house each week and we eat, talk, and learn about our marriage. It's nice to actually be around people who know what your going through and to know that there are couples out there that you can relate to. We actually ran into an old friend that I went to middle/high school with - BonnieVail Ryland. She's still as crazy and funny as she was back then. Oh man does hanging out with her bring back memories. A lot of memories that I care not to remember. And then some that are funny to look back on.
Sometimes I feel like Tim and I are in our world. We do enjoy being with the friends we have now...but most of the time we just enjoy being together. We don't go out... (partially because of money or lack thereof) We have both quit drinking (well I have, Tim still does on occasion) We don't like the bar, wild night, drinking, loud music scene that we both used to crave. I guess we are just at the settling down age...and with that comes finding new things (and sometimes new friends) that share the same interests.
I still feel so blessed that God put us at Marcus Pointe. He knew that we were Hungry and he has once again filled our hole. I seriously have never felt as much at Peace as I have recently. All I find that I want to do with my time is worship and praise Him. It's a good feeling. I love being a part of the Choir- and have met some great people. I love that everyone there is so friendly and full of Christ. It's something I've never experienced at other churches. I always knew God filled the church, but never actually felt Him the way I do now. It's an absolutely amazing feeling and something I plan on keeping forever!
Tim and I started a life group at church. It's basically a small group with other young married couples who are in their first couple years of marriage. I. LOVE. IT. These people, I just know, will become life long friends. There are about 30 people that pile into the house each week and we eat, talk, and learn about our marriage. It's nice to actually be around people who know what your going through and to know that there are couples out there that you can relate to. We actually ran into an old friend that I went to middle/high school with - Bonnie
Sometimes I feel like Tim and I are in our world. We do enjoy being with the friends we have now...but most of the time we just enjoy being together. We don't go out... (partially because of money or lack thereof) We have both quit drinking (well I have, Tim still does on occasion) We don't like the bar, wild night, drinking, loud music scene that we both used to crave. I guess we are just at the settling down age...and with that comes finding new things (and sometimes new friends) that share the same interests.
I still feel so blessed that God put us at Marcus Pointe. He knew that we were Hungry and he has once again filled our hole. I seriously have never felt as much at Peace as I have recently. All I find that I want to do with my time is worship and praise Him. It's a good feeling. I love being a part of the Choir- and have met some great people. I love that everyone there is so friendly and full of Christ. It's something I've never experienced at other churches. I always knew God filled the church, but never actually felt Him the way I do now. It's an absolutely amazing feeling and something I plan on keeping forever!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
woah!!
At least I was pre-warned that today would be a lot different the yesterday. Man were these girls right. I woke up and could barely move my arms. They are both (including my back and neck) so sore. My stomach feels like I had someone digging around in it. (haha) And my fingers are all so swollen they hurt to move them. Thank goodness we are off work still! Today will definitely be a day of rest. Since I am sitting here, I can at least post some pictures from our camping trip last weekend. We went to 4 paws campground in NC. If you haven't heard about it, you should def check it out. It's a campground built for dogs and their parents. They are not very child friendly which is fine for us now. Only b/c the majority of stuff they offer is built for dogs, not kids. here is their website if you are interested...www.4pawskingdom.com
this is my babies...including my husband! :o) We were trying for a family picture but of course right when I ran over, they jumped up thinking I was coming to play.
This was on the ride up...so sleepy.
this was our cabin...so cute.
This was the babies swimming...what they do best.
And this is Paisley! Beautiful girl!
Friday, April 23, 2010
after surgery....
So my surgery was today. They found endometriosis, and were able to remove it all. He did say that it will more than likely come back but at least for now it's gone. He also discovered that both my tubes were collapsed pretty severe, but thankfully he was able to open them back up. We're not sure what caused that or if it was from the miscarriage I had but we'll ask him that question when we go back in 2 weeks. Right now I'm feeling pretty good. Just a little drowsy. And my throat is KILLING me from the breathing tube they had to put in. It feels like someone took a knife and just scraped it down my throat. But they said it was normal so hopefully it will go away. I'm also now starting to feel the holes in my stomach so I just took some pain med. (which I hate b/c I hate feeling drugged up...but I don't want the pain to get too severe)
The whole procedure went by so fast. I remember laying on the table, watching her put the meds in my IV. Then the student doctor came in that is working with Dr Antonetti, to make sure I was comfortable. I remember my eyes getting heavy and trying so hard to keep them open, then I remember talking to God...that's about it. Next thing I know I hear my name being called and being rolled into the post op room. I started coughing real bad, and I heard someone say, "uh oh do we have a smoker" and I wanted to so bad to say "No way! I haven't smoked in a year!" but couldn't talk. Then I heard someone else say, "no she had complications from her breathing tube" So at least someone stood up for me! I am so glad I don't smoke anymore...Praise God. Tim even said it seemed like he just opened his book to read when the doc was coming back out to tell him everything. The good news is that he said our most fertile time will be in the next 3-5 months and we should be pregnant by then!! wohoo!!! Tim said he sounded very positive about this so keep your prayers coming! Anyways....thanks for all the prayers..God is definitely our comfortor and saving grace and he rained down on me today in that operating room. I'm so glad that something was found and was fixable. Not that I wanted to have endo. but thankful that we now have an answer to all our questions!
I also am so blessed that we have such great friends...so many people called to check on me and Sarah brought us dinner tonight from Panera! Yummy!! So thank you all for the prayers and love! We love you too!
The whole procedure went by so fast. I remember laying on the table, watching her put the meds in my IV. Then the student doctor came in that is working with Dr Antonetti, to make sure I was comfortable. I remember my eyes getting heavy and trying so hard to keep them open, then I remember talking to God...that's about it. Next thing I know I hear my name being called and being rolled into the post op room. I started coughing real bad, and I heard someone say, "uh oh do we have a smoker" and I wanted to so bad to say "No way! I haven't smoked in a year!" but couldn't talk. Then I heard someone else say, "no she had complications from her breathing tube" So at least someone stood up for me! I am so glad I don't smoke anymore...Praise God. Tim even said it seemed like he just opened his book to read when the doc was coming back out to tell him everything. The good news is that he said our most fertile time will be in the next 3-5 months and we should be pregnant by then!! wohoo!!! Tim said he sounded very positive about this so keep your prayers coming! Anyways....thanks for all the prayers..God is definitely our comfortor and saving grace and he rained down on me today in that operating room. I'm so glad that something was found and was fixable. Not that I wanted to have endo. but thankful that we now have an answer to all our questions!
I also am so blessed that we have such great friends...so many people called to check on me and Sarah brought us dinner tonight from Panera! Yummy!! So thank you all for the prayers and love! We love you too!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
We are not ashamed...
Wow...I can't believe it's been 2 months almost since I've last blogged. I must get caught up. Let's see...
Tim and I decided a couple months ago to start church shopping..we just weren't getting the same feelings about our old church that we felt when we first started going there. So we got together with another couple and went to Marcus Pointe. Let me tell you...we FELL IN LOVE! The first day there we absolutely felt our hearts warming up to the church, preacher, worship music, etc. We decided 2 weeks later to join and haven't missed a Sunday since. I also got baptized by immersion 1 week after we joined. I have felt about 10x closer to Jesus than I have ever felt. It just seems like everything Pastor Godfrey says is directed right towards me and I actually FEEL God in that place. It's an amazing feeling when you finally reach a peace in your life and start to live your life For God. All I want to do now is worship Him and read my Bible. Our radio stays on worship music and Tim and I have even become closer in our marriage in the past 2 months. Crazy how a simple change in a church can change everything about how you view life.
This includes closing some untied ends. This is something I haven't really told anyone...The year I met Tim I was living with a friend. I shouldn't have moved out of my mom's house because I know I couldn't afford it but thats neither here nor there. I was at a point in my life (a few months before I met Tim) where I just wanted to do everything I could do to despise my mom, my dad, my family, my friends, and Jesus. I was living a sinful life. I was a liar. I was an alcoholic. I was living in a WORLD of sin. Including lying to my roommate.
Well in a sermon I heard in church a couple weeks ago, the preacher was talking about relationships and how instead of running you just need to fix the one you got. Yes he was talking about marriage but I have had so many bad relationships that my mind was just running through everything I've been through the past 5 years...and this old roommate ran across my mind. I realized that I was wrong. And I also realized that I never even apologized to her for the stupid thing that I did. Sooo...I took a deep breath and sent her an email. Basically just apologizing for my stupid childish ways. It was a hard thing for me to do...admit I was wrong, but it was something God had been laying on my soul and I knew it was something I needed to do. I can't sit here and say that I am perfect because I know I'm no where near it. I know that I am not worthy of the Love and Grace that He provides for me every day. I also know that I can not say that I am a Christian when I have done such horrible things. So it was said. I didn't know if she would forgive me. I didn't know if she would tell the world about how absolutely horrible I had been. It was a scary thing. I think I was more afraid of what other people would think than what she actually thought. And that is probably the main reason why I hadn't apologized before now. We have the same friends, people talk, and when something big happens in friendship everyone takes sides, will gossip, and stab you in the back in a heartbeat. It's a scary world. But with that being said...she did respond to my email with a "thank you". At least I know that I took that step and apologized. I am a Born again Christian! I can take things I've done in the past no matter how horrible and know that if no one else forgives me...My God does.
man...that was a lot. :o)
Other than that...the baby making is kind of put on hold right now. I had a meeting with my doc last week and he said that I need to have a laproscopic surgery done to make sure that I do not have endometriosis or that my tubes are not blocked. Emily had this done a couple months ago and she informed me it was a breeze so I'll take her word for it. My surgery is set for next Friday. So say a prayer that everything goes well. It's nerveracking to be put to sleep. But Jesus is my comforter and he will get me through it. It's a small incision in your bellybutton and he will blow up my stomach with gas...then look around with a video camera and take pictures of anything he finds.
Lets see...oh..Tim and I are leaving for NC on Sat. Just a small vacation. We're taking the dogs with us to Rutherfordton NC to a campground that is designed for adults and their dogs. I'm so excited! You can see it for yourself here....www.4pawscampground.com
anyways.that's about it for now. ;o)
Tim and I decided a couple months ago to start church shopping..we just weren't getting the same feelings about our old church that we felt when we first started going there. So we got together with another couple and went to Marcus Pointe. Let me tell you...we FELL IN LOVE! The first day there we absolutely felt our hearts warming up to the church, preacher, worship music, etc. We decided 2 weeks later to join and haven't missed a Sunday since. I also got baptized by immersion 1 week after we joined. I have felt about 10x closer to Jesus than I have ever felt. It just seems like everything Pastor Godfrey says is directed right towards me and I actually FEEL God in that place. It's an amazing feeling when you finally reach a peace in your life and start to live your life For God. All I want to do now is worship Him and read my Bible. Our radio stays on worship music and Tim and I have even become closer in our marriage in the past 2 months. Crazy how a simple change in a church can change everything about how you view life.
This includes closing some untied ends. This is something I haven't really told anyone...The year I met Tim I was living with a friend. I shouldn't have moved out of my mom's house because I know I couldn't afford it but thats neither here nor there. I was at a point in my life (a few months before I met Tim) where I just wanted to do everything I could do to despise my mom, my dad, my family, my friends, and Jesus. I was living a sinful life. I was a liar. I was an alcoholic. I was living in a WORLD of sin. Including lying to my roommate.
Well in a sermon I heard in church a couple weeks ago, the preacher was talking about relationships and how instead of running you just need to fix the one you got. Yes he was talking about marriage but I have had so many bad relationships that my mind was just running through everything I've been through the past 5 years...and this old roommate ran across my mind. I realized that I was wrong. And I also realized that I never even apologized to her for the stupid thing that I did. Sooo...I took a deep breath and sent her an email. Basically just apologizing for my stupid childish ways. It was a hard thing for me to do...admit I was wrong, but it was something God had been laying on my soul and I knew it was something I needed to do. I can't sit here and say that I am perfect because I know I'm no where near it. I know that I am not worthy of the Love and Grace that He provides for me every day. I also know that I can not say that I am a Christian when I have done such horrible things. So it was said. I didn't know if she would forgive me. I didn't know if she would tell the world about how absolutely horrible I had been. It was a scary thing. I think I was more afraid of what other people would think than what she actually thought. And that is probably the main reason why I hadn't apologized before now. We have the same friends, people talk, and when something big happens in friendship everyone takes sides, will gossip, and stab you in the back in a heartbeat. It's a scary world. But with that being said...she did respond to my email with a "thank you". At least I know that I took that step and apologized. I am a Born again Christian! I can take things I've done in the past no matter how horrible and know that if no one else forgives me...My God does.
man...that was a lot. :o)
Other than that...the baby making is kind of put on hold right now. I had a meeting with my doc last week and he said that I need to have a laproscopic surgery done to make sure that I do not have endometriosis or that my tubes are not blocked. Emily had this done a couple months ago and she informed me it was a breeze so I'll take her word for it. My surgery is set for next Friday. So say a prayer that everything goes well. It's nerveracking to be put to sleep. But Jesus is my comforter and he will get me through it. It's a small incision in your bellybutton and he will blow up my stomach with gas...then look around with a video camera and take pictures of anything he finds.
Lets see...oh..Tim and I are leaving for NC on Sat. Just a small vacation. We're taking the dogs with us to Rutherfordton NC to a campground that is designed for adults and their dogs. I'm so excited! You can see it for yourself here....www.4pawscampground.com
anyways.that's about it for now. ;o)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
healthy start
so Tim and I started a "all natural kick"
Which means that we no longer eat processed foods, drink sweet tea (or any drink with sugar for that matter), and we have officially cut out anything that's labeled "bad for you" haha :o)
We also have been hitting the gym pretty consistently for the past 2 1/2 weeks now. I go 6 days a week and Tim goes about 4-6 depending on his schedule. It has been a very hard but very satisfying change.
Here is how this came about...
Tim and I decided to visit the Vitamin Shoppe because I was getting low on prenatal vitamins (which I've been on for about 7 months now...obviously they don't help to get you pregnant...haha) and while we were there we started talking to the guy who works there and he was telling us about his and his wife's journey about trying to get pregnant. Apparantly they had tried for 2.5 years and he started doing some research about vitamins and all natural things to do that would help with infertility. He found that Iron/Copper supplements have a high rate of helping in that area. He said after he started taking them, his wife was pregnant 1 month later. Sounds too good to be true...so we decided to do our own research and we found that yes, if you google Iron/Copper supplements, there are a lot of websites that talk about infertility. So we decided what the heck? Also we found out that day that the prenatal vitamins I was own were not only insufficient but that they lacked all the nutrients that I really needed. So we bought a higher quality one that I also use as my multi-vitamin. Sooo glad we went there that day. Anyways, after doing so much research we learned that a LOT of the stuff we were eating were not benefiting us in a way that could promote to a healthy pregnancy. SO we threw out all our chips, cookies, tea bags, and frozen pizzas...and went to the grocery store. We stocked up on tons of fruits, veggies, and chicken, chicken, chicken...we now drink green tea, use Truvia (which is amazing and all natural) and splenda as sugar.
Believe me when I say this....You are what you Eat!! We've only been doing this for 2 weeks and already I feel so much better. I can honestly say it is a Lifestyle Change.
Hopefully (if I'm not pregnant by the summer) I'll look amazing in a bikini!
(as far as getting pregnant...we've definitly stopped taking ovulating tests and tracking each and every month. if its meant to be it will be...otherwise we'll adopt. we know God has a plan...we just have to be the healthiest we can be in the process)
Which means that we no longer eat processed foods, drink sweet tea (or any drink with sugar for that matter), and we have officially cut out anything that's labeled "bad for you" haha :o)
We also have been hitting the gym pretty consistently for the past 2 1/2 weeks now. I go 6 days a week and Tim goes about 4-6 depending on his schedule. It has been a very hard but very satisfying change.
Here is how this came about...
Tim and I decided to visit the Vitamin Shoppe because I was getting low on prenatal vitamins (which I've been on for about 7 months now...obviously they don't help to get you pregnant...haha) and while we were there we started talking to the guy who works there and he was telling us about his and his wife's journey about trying to get pregnant. Apparantly they had tried for 2.5 years and he started doing some research about vitamins and all natural things to do that would help with infertility. He found that Iron/Copper supplements have a high rate of helping in that area. He said after he started taking them, his wife was pregnant 1 month later. Sounds too good to be true...so we decided to do our own research and we found that yes, if you google Iron/Copper supplements, there are a lot of websites that talk about infertility. So we decided what the heck? Also we found out that day that the prenatal vitamins I was own were not only insufficient but that they lacked all the nutrients that I really needed. So we bought a higher quality one that I also use as my multi-vitamin. Sooo glad we went there that day. Anyways, after doing so much research we learned that a LOT of the stuff we were eating were not benefiting us in a way that could promote to a healthy pregnancy. SO we threw out all our chips, cookies, tea bags, and frozen pizzas...and went to the grocery store. We stocked up on tons of fruits, veggies, and chicken, chicken, chicken...we now drink green tea, use Truvia (which is amazing and all natural) and splenda as sugar.
Believe me when I say this....You are what you Eat!! We've only been doing this for 2 weeks and already I feel so much better. I can honestly say it is a Lifestyle Change.
Hopefully (if I'm not pregnant by the summer) I'll look amazing in a bikini!
(as far as getting pregnant...we've definitly stopped taking ovulating tests and tracking each and every month. if its meant to be it will be...otherwise we'll adopt. we know God has a plan...we just have to be the healthiest we can be in the process)
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